She is Home

I got this off from a post on lovingfromadistance.com. I thought that it summed up long distance relationships very well and had to keep it in some way. The url of the actual post is: http://www.pvponline.com/2010/11/29/shes-home/. Anyway, enjoy!

SHE IS HOME

Angela is home. We are reunited.

Six months apart. We arranged weekend visits. Short passes through where we could remind each other what we’re like in person. But they were fleeting and, in my opinion, only served to make things worse. We are also aware how petty our hardships seem in comparison to others who also live in such times. So we’ve tried to keep a reasonable perspective. But we are human beings, which is to say that we are petty and imperfect.

Ultimately, when you miss someone this much, reasoning goes out the window.

I thought a lot about her while we were apart. I thought a lot about us. And I tried to quantify what it is that I missed the most. The lewd among us are quick to giggle and reference the physical. The romantics weep for the lack of companionship we were forced to live without. And sure it stinks to be without those things. But there was something about being apart from her that was just unbearable and I couldn’t for the life of me pin down what specifically it was.

Until this morning.

Our bedroom set consists of a large wooden frame, two nightstands and a couple of dressers. Our bedroom in Dallas was large enough to accommodate all of this, but the master bedroom in our townhouse is considerably smaller. The one available wall only has room for our bed and nightstands if one nightstand is facing the bed, instead of out. And so I turned mine inward so as not to inconvenience her.

Of course, the arrangement in and of itself immediately inconvenienced her. Just the sight of it. And this morning she became determined we could make it all fit properly.

“I have an inch between my bed and my nightstand. And another between it and the wall. We can move this to fit.”

It’s a large heavy bed and frame and headboard. I wasn’t sure we could move it without dismantling it. I suggested we just leave it be.

“I’ll sit down on this side, and push with my legs.” she instructed. “You pull on that side and we’ll move it in small nudges.”

So she sat down and braced back against the wall and her legs against the back corner of the bed. I crouched down on the opposite side and spread my legs a bit for the best leverage. We counted down from three and then the both of us gave it everything we had.

The bed didn’t even know we were trying. It was completely unaffected.

The sheer unforgiving nature of the bed sent us immediately into hysterics. We couldn’t stop laughing. Angela couldn’t stand up she was laughing so hard.

That was the moment I realized what I missed so much. Not the embraces. Not the sweet whispers. Not the physical. I missed THIS.

There are thousands of little adventures that Angela and I have embarked on, both subtle and gross that will eventually add up to equal our lives together. Adventures like our quest to move the bed this morning that ended in a noble failure full of laughter. And when we were apart, those adventures were put on hold. Which is to say that our life together was put on hold. A life that is more important than any of the specifics that make it up. What did I miss the most about Angela? All of it. Everything. I missed US.

And I think now I have a better frame of reference for beginning to understand why my father acted the way he did after my mother died. I don’t think I can bring myself to internally examine the concept of losing a mate. I think that might be a dangerous and ultimately self-defeating journey of self-examination.

I’m just glad she’s home. And that home is here. And that we can once again embark on these little adventures that will add up to equal our time together on this planet.

God bless us and keep us safe. God bless those couples who are still separated from each other. God bless others who have found such companionship because it is a rare gift. And more than anything else, God bless those couples who must justify their companionship to a society that isn’t prepared to realize that a person doesn’t get choose their gender any more than they get to choose who they fall in love with.

Amen.