Jealousy

There are many times when I stop and look around, and I wonder. Yes, I wonder many times about what it is that I'm doing with my life. My friends all seem to be able to find love. I have found what I thought was love, only to let him slip through my fingers. I have friends who have graduated college. They're now getting married. I have friends with kids already. Yet, I'm here just hoping to graduate in May. My life is not what I expected it to be at this point in my life. I remember being at Harlaxton just a year and a half ago and new couples forming. Now, they're getting married. I sit around and see all the love that there is, and I'm jealous. I know it's wrong to be jealous, but I just want someone to love. Even the flightiest of my friends has a boyfriend. My friend who really should be waiting for the guy to make a grand gesture (not the grand gesture) is back with him. Some of the crappiest people I know have someone to love. I want someone to live for. A person that I can look at and know that he will always be there. I'm 22 years old. I would've thought that I would have found someone at least once that would hold me when I cried. Just one person, but I've never had that. Is it wrong? I don't want to be a crazy old lady who has no one. I want a family one day. I want a husband and some kids. I want to be the stay at home mom who has dinner on the table. As 1950s as that sounds, that is truly the deepest desire of my heart. I try not to show it because it just makes me wistful and want it even more. There are times when I wonder why I'm even here. If I can't even find one person who wants me for more than just sex, why am I here? Why do I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with? It doesn't seem fair that I should be the one who doesn't get any love when I want it more than anyone else I know. I know I should just be content with my lot. I know that God has a plan for me. I just wish I knew what it was so that I could at least prepare myself for being single for the rest of my life if that is His plan. I really, really hope it isn't, though. I really hope it isn't.

The Pandorica Opens

I have officially watched "The Pandorica Opens" three times. This is the newest episode of the Doctor Who series. I still don't really know what to say about it other than that my mind was blown. I could hardly believe it when I saw the cliffhanger. I don't want to give away spoilers so I'm not going to say much. I just wanted to write a little something about it. Let me just say this, I am no closer to figuring out how they (Doctor, Amy, and River) are going to get out of this predicament than I was the first time I saw it. This week is going to be torture until I get to watch the new one. I can't wait for "The Big Bang."

*Don't forget that it airs on Saturday on BBC1.

Doctor Who

I have always loved Doctor Who. I haven't seen any of the Classic Who series, but I have seen every episode of Nu Who. I have watched Christopher Eccleston help to cure gas mask people back into real people. I have seen David Tennant save the Ood from what seems to be a devil-type creature. Now, I have just seen Matt Smith fight an invisible monster with Vincent Van Gogh.

In this week's episode of Doctor Who, Matt Smith and Karen Gillan (Amy Pond) go back in time after seeing a face of an evil monster in one of Van Gogh's paintings. The Doctor even says, "That's an evil face. I know evil when I see it." It was interesting to see the parallels between the Doctor and Van Gogh and also between the Doctor and the monster. The Doctor is blind it seems to many of the nuances of the world. He is starting to admit that he is too old which sad. The Doctor as fans know is little over 900 years old. He is forgetting what used to be important. Although it is interesting to see that he is starting to adapt to using practices that he did not use very often before. From what I have seen in the new series started by RTD, the Doctor tends to do more action than talking to the aliens. In this episode, though, the Doctor talked to the monster. He tried to help keep the animal calm so that it wouldn't hurt anyone. It almost seemed to work too. It's too bad that the Doctor always seemed to rely on his sonic screwdriver to help get him out of a mess. This week, though, it was not the sonic screwdriver that saves the day. It was Van Gogh.

Vincent and the Doctor is probably my favorite episode so far. There was so much emotion in it. Vincent seemed to be the smartest and bravest in this episode. He fought the monster and made sure that Amy and the Doctor were safe. The emotion was just obvious throughout the entire episode. You could feel the love between all three of the main characters. It was beautiful.

Poem Thursday 2

OK. I really don't know what to write.
If I'm perfectly honest,
I simply forgot.
Now I have 45 minutes to write an awesome poem.
Don't know if this'll happen.
Sor far it sounds like a rap in my head,
but isn't a rap
really poetry put to music?
I don't have much else to say
so I guess I'll say goodbye
to Poem Thursday 2.

I know it was really short
but I don't know what else to write.
I really just writing to write right now.
Try saying the last sentence
five times fast.
I'm really gonna go now.
It's time for bed.
I'll see you next time
probably around this time.

Growing Up

I have come to realize that I as I have gotten older, I have come to rely on my parents more. You would probably think that it would be the other way around, but not for me. I don't know when this started happening, but I know that it is. I usually feel that I am somewhat self-sufficient. I haven't asked my parents for spending money. I kept a pretty good control on my spending habits. I'm not sure of the exact amount, but I haven't spent too much. I have even learned to start eating what is in my room instead of what I have to spend money on. However, I had to ask my father today to help me pay for school. Why shouldn't he help me pay though? He is my father. He's the one that left all those years ago, leaving my mom to bring my sister and me up by herself. It just struck me as odd that he would have to pay for my school because I simply can't afford it. I never really thought about how expensive school really is. I never realized how hard it is to want to do something but not necessarily have the resources for it. I never realized just important it really is to have a budget. I don't know if this all means that I'm really becoming more dependent on my parents. Maybe it just means that I'm finally being able to rely on people to help me when I need it. I usually hate asking anybody, even my parents, for something when I feel I can do it on my own. I even applied for another job this summer so I can try to have a little more cash flow this summer. I don't know how that will work out. There's so many things going on. I might have to ask my father to help me get to England this time. I shouldn't have gone shopping. I would be ok if I hadn't gone shopping that day. I can't focus on that though. I just have to think about accomplishing what I want to get done. I want to accomplish my goal of getting to England. If that means that I have to ask my father for a little extra help, I will. We'll see how things go.

1st Poem Thursday

Welcome to the first poem Thursday! Here we go:

A Poem for Shoes
I look all around me
and I see them everywhere.
High ones,
low ones,
polka dotted too.
Cute and flirty,
they help me get from place to place.
I love having so many pairs.
What're these things you may ask?
They are my favorite pairs of heels.

It's Thursday

Hey guys! It's Thursday. Do you know what that means? That's right! It's the first week of the weekly poem thing that I'm doing and have no name for. Oh well. As it is only about an hour and a half into the first day of this, I don't quite have a poem yet. I know I've had a week to work on something, but I've been really busy. Today is a lot slower though so I should have time to write something today. That's all I really wanted to say. It's time for bed. Good night.