Jealousy

There are many times when I stop and look around, and I wonder. Yes, I wonder many times about what it is that I'm doing with my life. My friends all seem to be able to find love. I have found what I thought was love, only to let him slip through my fingers. I have friends who have graduated college. They're now getting married. I have friends with kids already. Yet, I'm here just hoping to graduate in May. My life is not what I expected it to be at this point in my life. I remember being at Harlaxton just a year and a half ago and new couples forming. Now, they're getting married. I sit around and see all the love that there is, and I'm jealous. I know it's wrong to be jealous, but I just want someone to love. Even the flightiest of my friends has a boyfriend. My friend who really should be waiting for the guy to make a grand gesture (not the grand gesture) is back with him. Some of the crappiest people I know have someone to love. I want someone to live for. A person that I can look at and know that he will always be there. I'm 22 years old. I would've thought that I would have found someone at least once that would hold me when I cried. Just one person, but I've never had that. Is it wrong? I don't want to be a crazy old lady who has no one. I want a family one day. I want a husband and some kids. I want to be the stay at home mom who has dinner on the table. As 1950s as that sounds, that is truly the deepest desire of my heart. I try not to show it because it just makes me wistful and want it even more. There are times when I wonder why I'm even here. If I can't even find one person who wants me for more than just sex, why am I here? Why do I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with? It doesn't seem fair that I should be the one who doesn't get any love when I want it more than anyone else I know. I know I should just be content with my lot. I know that God has a plan for me. I just wish I knew what it was so that I could at least prepare myself for being single for the rest of my life if that is His plan. I really, really hope it isn't, though. I really hope it isn't.