Is This Real Life?

For the last three and a half months, I have been living with my boyfriend. You might remember him. I've been calling him Bear for the purposes of this blog. Yes, I spent the last three and a half months in England with Bear. It was the best three and half months of my life. As of Sunday night though, I've been back in Texas.
It's already been a difficult past three days. I miss being with him in person. Yes, we're doing the skype thing again. We're even playing Words with Friends right this very moment. This all seems like my real life.
The past three and a half months feels like it was all a dream. It's like I went to sleep, dreamt about England and being with Bear, and then woke up on Sunday. The only proof I have is the huge suitcase sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor, a camera full of memories, and the smell of him on a shirt. It was the best three and a half months of my life though. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if I could.
We finally got to celebrate anniversaries together. We even celebrated the most important one of all: the one year anniversary. We went to York and stayed in a hotel. I got to see things that most people only ever dream about. I saw castle walls that are older than even the first colony in the USA. I ate really horrible Mexican food and lived to talk about it. I saw what it was like to be a Viking. I saw their bones and where they lived. I even found out where the word husband comes from. It was the best anniversary I could have ever asked for.
The best part is that I got to do everything that "normal" couples get to do. I got to hold Bear's hand and kiss him whenever I wanted to. I got to snuggle up next to him while watching tv. I got to fall asleep on his chest with his arms around me. I could even text him without it costing a hundred dollars. We made breakfast and dinner together. We danced together. I could look deep into his beautiful blue eyes and know that he was looking back at me with all of the love that he has for me. It was the best time of my life.
Now though, things are completely different. We're back to having to skype. We have to make time for each other. I sleep in my bed alone. I have no one to kiss and snuggle with. Now when I make a cup of tea, I make one...for myself. There is no we. There's no we're going to do things. If I could, I would make myself go back to sleep now and hope to wake up in England with him in his bed with his arms around me.
The dream that I hope will one come true for us one day soon. Right now though, I have to make do with the life I have. I can't keep up the dream of Bear because right now this is real life.

Loving from a Distance

I am a proud member of the forum know as Loving from a Distance (www.lovingfromadistance.com). It's for people who are part of a long distance relationship. I am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend lives all the way in England while I live in the deep in the heart of Texas. It's hard sometimes. You don't always know what you're doing. You don't always know if you're doing the right thing. My relationship is everything a relationship should be with just one minor hiccup: we live almost 5,000 miles away from each other. It takes a lot of time, patience, and energy to keep up a relationship when you're not physically with that person. It's hard when you go 3 or 4 months in between visits. It's hard to not be able to hold the other person's hand or just call them whenever you want. Sometimes you have to rely on other people, strangers even, to help you get through the hard times.
That's where Loving from a Distance comes in. It's a forum with it's own community. The one thing that's the same for all of us is that we're all in a long distance relationship. We have some of the same problems. We share similar experiences. We all go through hard times and we all go through amazing times. The thing I love most about this community that I'm a part of is that we celebrate with each other and we commiserate with each other.
I'll never forget when people seemed to all be breaking up at the same time. It was hard to see all of those relationships end, knowing that yours could be next. No relationship is 100% guaranteed. You have to take things in stride. Being one of the ones to survive and having the other that survived made a huge difference for me. Seeing other people go through it made me realize that we, Gareth and I, could make it too.
I've seen international relationships make it. I've seen international relationships that closed the distance or are in the process of closing the distance. It gives me hope. It inspires me to make mine work because if they can do it, we can do it too. They've already proven that it can work. I just have to make it work for me too.
Loving from a distance is a website where people from all over the world come together not only to share problems but also come together to celebrate one another. We inspire each other and prove that long distance relationships can and do work.

Looking for Flights

One of the things that I love most about being in an LDR is the visits. I love getting to spend time with him in person. I like getting to hold his hand and kiss his lips. I like getting to sleep next to him and hearing his heart beat. But the one thing I don't like about visiting is the stuff prior to seeing him, which includes looking for flights.
I hate going through all of the different websites to try to find the best deal. of course, you never do. There's always going to be a flight the next day that is cheaper or has better times. I try and look months ahead of time, and I always find flights that I could afford. I can' buy my tickets that far ahead of time because I always have to save up my money. By the time I save up enough money, the plane tickets are always super expensive. I guess the only thing that really keeps me going is that I know will be with him one day.
One day I won't have to save up my money and wait to have to see him. One day, I will get to wake up and he will be right there beside me. This is just temporary. One day, he and I will be together forever. That's why I go through the hassle of looking for plane tickets. He's the reason why I stay up late just so I can think of him. I can't wait until he really is my forever, and my looking for flights is just for now.

Visiting

One of the most important things about long distance relationships is that you have to visit each other at some point in time. Bear recently came to visit me and has already left. His visit was one of the best times of my life. Yes, there was a lot of sex, but it was more than the sex. It was the building of the emotional aspect of our relationship again. We already have a strong emotional relationships, and the visits to each other just reinforce that. It's during these trips that I know that I love Bear. I know that he really is the one I want to be with forever. Talking on Skype helps us to build these emotions as well, but it's also the little things. Bear and I show each other how much we care about the other. It's the little things that allow us to show each other. It's the little things like how he strokes my hair when we're sitting on the couch. Or the way he tells me he loves me. It's the way he holds me in his arms. The way that he wraps his legs around mine when we're in bed. He makes me feel like the most special girl in the whole wide world.
We do some of the most boring things in the whole world. We make dinner together. We go walking around the mall. We get ice cream. These things would seem like no big deal to someone in a close distance relationships, but I live for these moments. I spend months and months waiting to cook for Bear again. I go weeks waiting for something as simple as a kiss. Yet I know that someday, it will all be worth it. I know that Bear and I will be together forever because these visits show me how perfect we are together. They show me how perfect we for each other. I thank God for bringing Bear to me. He adds value to my life all because of who he is. I can't wait for May. Not because I'm graduating but because Bear is going to be here to see me graduate. I can't wait to feel his hand in mine and to feel his lips against my mouth again. I love Bear.

Waiting for His E-mails

One of the things I dislike the most about being in a long distance relationship is the waiting. I feel like I'm always waiting for something from him. Right now, I'm waiting for his e-mail. On Thursdays, I work really late (or early depending on how you look at it) so I always e-mail him when I get to work at midnight. I then spend the rest of my four hour shift waiting for him to e-mail me back. I pretty much check my e-mail every five minutes in hopes that he'll have e-mailed me back. I love when he e-mails me. I love reading the sweet things he has to say. I love it when I hear from him. Yet, I'm always waiting. Sometimes it's because I don't actually get the e-mail until 12 hours later (this has actually happened several times) or I miss one of my five minute checks because I become focused on homework or some other task or sometimes I just forget to check (which rarely happens). It just becomes so disheartening sometimes because I live for the moments when I get to hear from him. If there was one thing I could change, it would be the waiting. But then, that's part of being in a long distance relationship, and I wouldn't change my relationship for the world. For now, it is perfect.

*Number of times I checked my e-mail while writing this: five

Happiness

Ever since I got back from seeing Bear, it seems like I'm only happy when I'm talking to him, or texting him, or reading one of his e-mails. The rest of the time, I feel miserable. Everything was fine until I went to see him. Before, I could actually get things accomplished instead of just waiting for him to respond to me. I got my homework done (most of the time). I ate. I slept. I did the things I was supposed to. Ever since I got back though, I feel like I've been in the dumps except for the few times a week I actually get to talk to him. The things that used to excite me, no longer matter. My friends can't understand because they've never experience anything like this. It's so hard having him so far away. I really do feel like crying like 90% of the time. I just can't seem to function without him, and I really don't want to. I want to be in England with Bear. I want to feel his arms around me. I want to press my lips against his. I never want to leave him. The more serious things get, the more I want to be with him all the time. Even when we talk, the last five minutes are the hardest five minutes of my life. I know other LDR couples don't get to talk as often as we do. I know that I am extremely fortunate that Bear and I have the resources that we do. I know that there is no reason for me to be sad. I just can't help it. I want to be with Bear for forever and always. January won't come soon enough.

Meeting My New Love

In a post a long, long time ago, I mentioned that I had met someone and we were now together. I promised that I would tell all about him and how we met.

His name for the this blog will be Bear. It's part of my nickname for him. :) Anyway as you may remember, I went to England in August for a week to meet my friend Jenni. While I was here, I meet Bear. All it took was one look at him, and I knew I wanted him. The first day, the four of us (Jenni, her bf, Bear, and me) went to a pub to get something to eat. He even bought me a drink that first day. I asked Jenni the next day if it was ok with her if I went after him. I didn't want things to be awkward between everybody because I was going after her boyfriend's brother. She said that she didn't mind. After our talk, all bets were off. I even started waking up earlier so that I could spend some time with him before he went to work. There was one day when some people came over, and I spend that time with Bear. It was a couple that had come over. Jenni and Ross kept them entertained while Bear and I were kind just left to our own devices. I chose to sit on the arm of his chair and give him my number. That Friday, we had sex. It was so good. At first, I didn't want anything to do with him. I was ashamed that I had had sex with him so fast. However when I was on my way home, I missed him. I still miss him every day.

He's not the hottest guy I've ever seen (or even dated), but he's mine. When I'm with him, I feel like a princess. He even calls me princess. He cares about me and calls me his favorite girl. I like to tease him about his love affair with this English chef called Delia. It's funny. Being without him is hard, especially since I just got back from seeing him. All I want is for him to put his arms around me. Sometimes when I'm feeling sick, I want him here to cuddle me and make me feel better. It's just so hard, but I know that one day when we can be together for a long time, it'll all be worth it. If we get to spend the rest of our lives together, it'll be so worth all the hardships now. I can't wait to spend as much time as possible with him. I can't wait to see him in January.