Sucks...sucks...sucks

So this weekend has pretty much sucked. I didn't get a scholarship that I desperately need so that I can go to England, found out that the guy I like has a girlfriend, and everybody I want to talk to doesn't answer their phone. Oh well. Things will get better. That's what I keep telling myself. Eventually, I will get the money I need, found a guy who truly loves me for me, and someone will call me back. I'm being optimistic in this weekend full of crap. The worst part of this whole weekend is that it's not even over yet. Maybe I'll get one of the jobs I apply for. I can't work at the accounting office anymore. I'll only work twice a week, and I haven't worked for the past two weeks. I need to make money. Otherwise, I really won't be able to pay for England. I'll get what I need, though. I'll have to do whatever I can to get the money I need. I should probably get off of here and go on fastweb. I need to apply for as many scholarships as possible since I didn't get that one. I love you guys!!!

The First Letter

Hey everybody! So guess what!!! Navy boy wrote me! It wasn't a long letter, but he wrote me! I'm super excited about it! He didn't say a lot, but at least he wrote. Like it was seriously only a paragraph. Luckily, I grew up with the military so I know during boot camp, the guys don't get a lot of time to write. Wow! Could you imagine if this was during like the 1950s or something, and writing letters was the only way to like communicate? Sometimes it's hard to believe how much we've progressed as a society. Sorry. Getting off topic. Now I'm trying to figure out what to write back to him. This was so much easier when I was six and writing my dad. The teachers would pull me out of class and tell me what to write. Where are those teachers now? Or were they counselors? I don't remember. That was like 14 years ago. Goodness! Now I feel old. Off topic again. Eventually I'll findout what to write him about. I knew he wants to hear from me and soon. He said that in his letter. Well, he said that he hopes to hear from me soon. It's the same thing. I'll have a lot of time next week for sure to write him. I gotta go now though. I have a lot of homework to do. It's due tomorrow. It's quite sad. I have a 5 page paper to write ad a lab to do for my LS class. Talk to y'all soon. Love ya!!!

He's Gone

Ok, guys. Navy boy is gone. I miss him a lot, but what can I do? I know he doesn't want me to be sad. I know this, and yet, I wallow in the fact that he's gone. I'm so happy for him because he's following his dream. I mean, who doesn't want their friends to be successful? I'm always so proud of anything my friends do. Navy boy sings, writes songs, and plays guitar. He even has a music page up on myspace. Yes, I added the song to my myspace. Did you guys really expect me not to? He left, on the 9th of this month. It was a sad day. He only went to Dallas, but he left. He left for basic training the next day (the 10th). Now, if my research is correct, he's in Illinois. I think it's pretty accurate though. I'll have to ask his roommate (who will be referred to as Roommate guy) where Navy boy is. (This is so confusing somtimes. I just don't want to use their real names.) Roommate guy works here at TWU so it won't be that hard. Well, I still have to take a shower before I even dare to leave the building. I just wanted to let y'all know that Navy boy did in fact already leave.

BTW, happy birthday to my sister Amanda!!! I love you!!!

Never Be Mine

Hey guys! This is a poem that I just wrote. It's my first one in like a year. I haven't really written much besides essay since then. By the way, broken hearts suck.

Never Be Mine
by: Megan Montoya

I long for your kisses
knowing they'll never mine.
Seeing you with her
eats me up inside.
But what can I do?
I'm not so sure.
All that I know is that
you'll never be mine
I guess friends is all we are
and all we'll ever be.
Nothing will change.
I guess I could cry
but that won't change the fact
that you'll never be mine.
I could lie to you
and pretend to be over you
Yet I can still feel the way
it felt to be in your arms.
I felt so safe and secure again.
A way I haven't felt
since he took his love away.
I trusted you
and I love you
but you're still with her.
She's the one with your heart,
a heart that never belonged to me.
Now it's 2 in the morning
and I'm sitting here alone
thinking things through.
Stoic is all I can be
knowing that we won't be.
You belong to her.
I guess I've finally realized
you'll never be mine.

Tell me what you guys think. I have a paper that I need to finish in about six hours so I'll talk to you guys later. I love you.

Love always,
Megan

I'll miss you

So he has been on my mind a lot lately, and I think I know why. I just don't want to say it. I really wish he wasn't leaving. I wish he could just stay here, but he's a big boy. He needs to go after his own dreams and ambitions. That's the thing I like about him the most. He has dreams and things he wants to do. I just wish they could be realized without him having to leave. Yet, he leaves April 10th. I'll only have a few days left with him when I get back to school. It just sucks all around. I want him to stay! Is that too much to ask??? I'm not saying I want him to be my boyfriend or anything, but would that be so bad? I'm not entirely ugly. Some people even consider me to be pretty. I'm not skinny, but that just means there's more of me to love. I'm smart. He makes me happy. Right now, I'm not so happy. I know it sounds stupid, but I bought him this necklace with a St. Michael and Guardian Angel medallion on it. St. Michael is the patron saint of police officers, and they both protect from harm. I know he might not be Catholic or even a Christian, but it means a lot to me. I'm feeling like I'm about to cry. I shouldn't be feeling like that. I know I shouldn't. I'm just confused. Can somebody help me out? Gotta go. I need dinner eventually.
Love always,
Megan

It's Official!!!

Hey guys! So it's official! I'm going to Harlaxton!!! I am so excited! Now, I just have to find a way to finance it. I will gladly take donations :) Just kidding. I'm applying for a ton of scholarships so hopefully I'll get most, if not all, of them. I was looking over the scholarships that I've applied for so far, and I might actually get enough to pay for it and have some left over. Wouldn't that be nice? It's so exciting! The only other things I'm worried about is paying for like airline tickets and other essentials. I'm trying to pay for Harlaxton on my own. I know it'll be hard, but it'll be totally worth it. I don't want my mom to have to put in too much. My dad on the other hand...j/k. I'm going to do as much as I can. I'm hoping my dad will pay for the tickets there and back. We'll see. He's going to give me his frequent flyer miles so that'll help, no matter what. I never realized just how expensive it is to fly to another country. I'm going to talk to a travel agent, and see if there's any way to get a cheaper flight. I've talked to a travel agent back at school and he said the cheapest out of Killeen is $1337. On my own, it's a lot more. I'm going to find out if there's any travel agents I can see while I'm still here in Cove. It might just be easier to deal with one in Denton. Shakara and I can go together. Well, I have lots of stuff to do still. I have homework and planning for Harlaxton to do still. If anyone wants to help, I'll appreciate it. Love you guys!!!
Love always,
Megan

Ok. So I can't wait to go to England. This is one of the reasons.

He is really cute, isn't he? I met him when I saw RENT last May. He is an incredible singer! I'll see if there's any way to put up a clip of him singing. Another reason is this:

Beautiful! I love it! England is so gorgeous!
Then, of course, there's always my beautiful Harlaxton.

I absolutely cannot wait to go!!! I'm going to miss everybody, but it'll be so worth it! Wait until you guys see the wonderful souvenirs that I'm going to bring back. I don't know where they're going to be from yet, but it'll be totally worth it. I love you guys so much!!!
Love always,
Megan