To Whom It May Concern

To whom it may concern:

Right now it is currently 3:47am Central Time. I can't sleep, and I can't even force myself. I may have to result to the my last resort: medication. Before I do that, though, I just want to say one thing. It isn't very thought provoking. It's not going to change your life. You'll probably even forget about this post 10 seconds after you finish reading it. I just have to say it, though. I'm not happy about what's going on in my life. I just can't seem to do anything right anymore. Yeah, I pretend to plaster a smile on my face every day, but it's all fake. It's easy to fake it when I'm around people, but the second I'm alone, it's easy to let the barriers down. I just sit on the chair in my "living room" and watch youtube or go on facebook. I rely on the people of the internet to help me through my day. I just can't seem to rely on myself anymore to make myself happy. The last time I remember being truly happy is when I was at Harlaxton. It was such an amazing time, and I can't seem to recapture the happiness I had when I was there. I felt it almost right away. I've tried to deny it, but I can't. I love my family and friends here, but I'm just not happy anymore. I don't know if this is just the now 4:16am brain talking, but I'm not happy. Maybe that's why I'm really going back in less than a month. Maybe I'm trying to recapture some part of myself that I can't find here. Maybe my heart is truly still in England because I know it's not here.