Many things have happened lately. Things that have left me questioning what I thought I knew. I don't know what I want anymore. I would've thought that I would have forgotten Chris by now, but I haven't. It's been over a year. What if I see him when I'm on holiday? I'm not going to lie. Part of me does want to see him. Yet another part of me knows that if I see him, it could be the worse thing to ever happen. Do I approach him? Should I let him come up to me? I don't know anymore. If this was last year, it would be so much easier. It's not though. It's this year which makes things so much more complicated. Boys are already complicated. Now throwing in a whole other country, doubles that. Maybe boys in England aren't as great as I thought they were. Maybe they are bigger jerks than boys in the US. At least boys in the US are straightforward with you. If they don't like you, they let you know. Guys in England are taught to keep a stiff upper lip and to not let anyone know what you really feel except those closest to you. It makes having a relationship really hard. I didn't know Chris for very long, but it's like he put a spell on me. A spell that I can't break out of. I'm hoping that I've met someone that can, though. We'll call him J.J.
J.J. is a sweet guy. He seems to have the same ambitions that I do. He's going to teach overseas. He likes being around kids. He's cute. He's not the kind of guy that I typically like, but maybe I need that. The crazy thing is that we just met a couple of weeks ago. He's getting ready to go to Prague, though. He's already graduated from uni. I just want to be his friend for now. J.J. is someone that I could see things progressing with maybe. My favorite thing about him is that he is always smiling. When I see him, I feel like I did when I was back in England. I can't help, but have a smile on my face when I'm around him. I haven't felt like that since England. Even though there were hard times in England, I could always smile. I saw J.J. yesterday when I was at work. He stood by the desk for like 5 minutes talking to me. I didn't want him to leave. I knew he had to, but I couldn't let him go. I've already added him on facebook, and am just waiting for him to confirm it. Sometimes I find it to be really amazing how quickly things can change.
Chris will always be in my heart, but I need a change. I hope that I do see him, but I hope that when I do, things will be different. I hope that my heart won't go a million miles an hour. I hope that I won't want to touch him. I hope that I won't still love him. Chris's time needs to be over. It may be time, now, for J.J.
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