This a poem that I'm in the process of writing. It talks about the relationship that my ex-friend Sean and I used to have. It's still unfinished, but I'm working on it.
You tell me not to leave again,
You missed me so much
it's hard to believe
We haven't talked in months.
We used to stay up all night
talking on the phone
It's hard to say
But it's the truth
You're not there anymore
What happened to the guy
that I used to love
He's left me alone.
I can still remember
the day that we met
back in the lunch line
It wasn't high school.
Now it's years later
and I can't let go
of the only guy
I could depend on.
So yeah. I haven't talked to Sean since January, and it's over. How good of friends could we have ever been if we haven't talked in that long? I'm tired of being the one to make things work. If he wants me back in his life, he can call me.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
My Birthday
So you might be thinking, "Megan, you're birthday was over a week ago and I still haven't heard anything about it! I want to know something NOW!!!" Ok. So you might not be thinking that exact sentence, but I'm going to tell you anyway.
My birthday was pretty uneventful. I couldn't go out the actual night of my birthday because it was a Monday, and I have an 8am class on Tuesdays. I was not going to go out when I knew I had a class where I actually have to pay attention. Instead, I decided that I was going to go out on the Thursday after my birthday. I didn't really have anything to do on Friday until 2pm so I was set. Then it snowed...over 6 inches...in TEXAS!!! How awesome is that? Since it snowed, I decided I wasn't going to go driving or make anybody else drive in the snow at night. Those could be dangerous times, my friend. Basically, I've done nothing for my birthday.
Although, my mom did come up the Saturday before my birthday. It was a nice day. We hung out in my room for a little bit and then proceeded to get lost while going to one of my favorite Italian restaurants. It was pretty jokes (haha...new nerdfighter word that I just recently learned. It means cool in case you were wondering.) We also saw Dear John before dinner. It was an ok movie. My mom and I decided that we were too close to the military for it to really be the emotional movie that I've heard it is for other people. We just decided that it was kind of lame. It happens to a lot of people in the military so why should their story be so significant? Whatever. It was ok. If you like movies like that, you should go see it.
So yeah. That was my birthday. I might try to do something this week to celebrate, but it looks doubtful. I have a bunch of stuff to do before the week is over. Right now, I should be writing a paper, but I don't want to. That seems to be a recurring theme. I blog instead of writing a paper that's due either the next day or the day prior to which I'm writing. Um...yeah. I totally didn't say that! :) OK. I'm going to go at least start on the paper.
DFTBA
My birthday was pretty uneventful. I couldn't go out the actual night of my birthday because it was a Monday, and I have an 8am class on Tuesdays. I was not going to go out when I knew I had a class where I actually have to pay attention. Instead, I decided that I was going to go out on the Thursday after my birthday. I didn't really have anything to do on Friday until 2pm so I was set. Then it snowed...over 6 inches...in TEXAS!!! How awesome is that? Since it snowed, I decided I wasn't going to go driving or make anybody else drive in the snow at night. Those could be dangerous times, my friend. Basically, I've done nothing for my birthday.
Although, my mom did come up the Saturday before my birthday. It was a nice day. We hung out in my room for a little bit and then proceeded to get lost while going to one of my favorite Italian restaurants. It was pretty jokes (haha...new nerdfighter word that I just recently learned. It means cool in case you were wondering.) We also saw Dear John before dinner. It was an ok movie. My mom and I decided that we were too close to the military for it to really be the emotional movie that I've heard it is for other people. We just decided that it was kind of lame. It happens to a lot of people in the military so why should their story be so significant? Whatever. It was ok. If you like movies like that, you should go see it.
So yeah. That was my birthday. I might try to do something this week to celebrate, but it looks doubtful. I have a bunch of stuff to do before the week is over. Right now, I should be writing a paper, but I don't want to. That seems to be a recurring theme. I blog instead of writing a paper that's due either the next day or the day prior to which I'm writing. Um...yeah. I totally didn't say that! :) OK. I'm going to go at least start on the paper.
DFTBA
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
To Mister Navy Boy
My Dearest Navy Boy,
I remember back when you and I first became friends. I thought you were super cute, and I always loved going to your line to get food. No, you weren't in the Navy yet. You were just another worker at my school that I actually talked to. You talked to me back. After a while, we got to know each other better and actually became friends. I felt that we could be close friends if you wanted to. I'm writing this letter, not to reminisce, but to clear the air between us. I know you'll probably never read this, but I ave to get it out in the open sometime. I trust this blogger thing because it's one place that maybe someone will notice me. I highly doubt it, but you never know. IT seems so long ago that you and I were merely strangers, not caring about each other. Then something happened and we struck up a friendship. It was the week after my 20th birthday. I struck up the nerve to talk to you and we talked. We talked mostly through texts. I would text you when I was bored in class, and you always responded. I sometimes wondered why you would respond so fast. You never disappointed me. I thought you were really cute too. I developed a crush on you that I would deny to this very day if I was asked about it. I have never really ever been true to myself about how I feel about you. Maybe that's one reason why it hurt so much when I found out you got married. You got married and didn't even tell me. I thought we were better friends then that. Now, it seems as if all of our mutual friends are on your side. We didn't have a fight. We didn't even have anything going on between us, just friends. Why then didn't you even tell me? Did you think I would make some big scene about how you and your (now) wife shouldn't be together? That would never have happened. I respect you too much to have ruined what should have been one of the happiest days of your life. It's something we should've been able to celebrate together. I don't know what's going on with you nowadays. It seems so odd that just a year ago for my birthday, you took me out to celebrate being 21. No matter how hard I tried to pay for stuff, you told me no. You wanted to treat me. Now, I didn't even get a happy birthday from you. Why? I don't know if I want to know what's going on with you. Maybe I should just leave you alone. Just know if you decide you don't want to be my friend anymore, I can't have you come back into my life again. I won't hurt myself again like you hurt me. Just know, I will always love you.
Love always,
Megan
I remember back when you and I first became friends. I thought you were super cute, and I always loved going to your line to get food. No, you weren't in the Navy yet. You were just another worker at my school that I actually talked to. You talked to me back. After a while, we got to know each other better and actually became friends. I felt that we could be close friends if you wanted to. I'm writing this letter, not to reminisce, but to clear the air between us. I know you'll probably never read this, but I ave to get it out in the open sometime. I trust this blogger thing because it's one place that maybe someone will notice me. I highly doubt it, but you never know. IT seems so long ago that you and I were merely strangers, not caring about each other. Then something happened and we struck up a friendship. It was the week after my 20th birthday. I struck up the nerve to talk to you and we talked. We talked mostly through texts. I would text you when I was bored in class, and you always responded. I sometimes wondered why you would respond so fast. You never disappointed me. I thought you were really cute too. I developed a crush on you that I would deny to this very day if I was asked about it. I have never really ever been true to myself about how I feel about you. Maybe that's one reason why it hurt so much when I found out you got married. You got married and didn't even tell me. I thought we were better friends then that. Now, it seems as if all of our mutual friends are on your side. We didn't have a fight. We didn't even have anything going on between us, just friends. Why then didn't you even tell me? Did you think I would make some big scene about how you and your (now) wife shouldn't be together? That would never have happened. I respect you too much to have ruined what should have been one of the happiest days of your life. It's something we should've been able to celebrate together. I don't know what's going on with you nowadays. It seems so odd that just a year ago for my birthday, you took me out to celebrate being 21. No matter how hard I tried to pay for stuff, you told me no. You wanted to treat me. Now, I didn't even get a happy birthday from you. Why? I don't know if I want to know what's going on with you. Maybe I should just leave you alone. Just know if you decide you don't want to be my friend anymore, I can't have you come back into my life again. I won't hurt myself again like you hurt me. Just know, I will always love you.
Love always,
Megan
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Almost My Birthday!!!
IT'S ALMOST MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!
I can't believe that another year has passed in my life. I still feel like I just turned 21. So much has happened in the past year. I've learned so much too. I learned that I'm not meant to fit into certain groups, and I've learned that that's ok. I have people who love me for me and not because I pay for them to love me. I've learned that my true family is always there for me. I've made some incredible friends, and I plan on keeping them in my life for a long time. I've lost some friends that I thought would always be there for me, but aren't in my life anymore. I've discovered that I'm the only one that define who I will be for the rest of my life. My true family will always be there, yes, but in the end, the only one who is there for me is me. I've learned that as long as I love myself, that's all that really matters because I will find someone in the world who will love me for me. Right now, it's not a true love, the person I will be with for the rest of my life, but there are people who hopefully will provide me with an everlasting unconditional love. As long as those people are always there for me, I can be happy. I've found out who my true friends are too. I've learned that sometimes I have to make mistakes and put myself out there in order to grow and to learn. I may not be the person who wants to go out and party and meet tons of boys, and that's going to have to be ok with other people. I've found what I needed at the time, and it's not what I need anymore. I've discovered so much about myself in the past year. This may sound like I'm writing about all the bad things, but there were so many more good times. Hopefully, they will continue into the new year in my life. I hope that there will be many many more good times in the coming year. I love those that I have chosen to stay in my life. I couldn't be happier with the way that many things have turned out. I have had a good 21st year, and I can only hope that the 22nd will be even better. I love my life and the people in it!!!
I'll write about my mom's visit another time. Right now is a time for reflection.
Hours until my birthday: 1
I can't believe that another year has passed in my life. I still feel like I just turned 21. So much has happened in the past year. I've learned so much too. I learned that I'm not meant to fit into certain groups, and I've learned that that's ok. I have people who love me for me and not because I pay for them to love me. I've learned that my true family is always there for me. I've made some incredible friends, and I plan on keeping them in my life for a long time. I've lost some friends that I thought would always be there for me, but aren't in my life anymore. I've discovered that I'm the only one that define who I will be for the rest of my life. My true family will always be there, yes, but in the end, the only one who is there for me is me. I've learned that as long as I love myself, that's all that really matters because I will find someone in the world who will love me for me. Right now, it's not a true love, the person I will be with for the rest of my life, but there are people who hopefully will provide me with an everlasting unconditional love. As long as those people are always there for me, I can be happy. I've found out who my true friends are too. I've learned that sometimes I have to make mistakes and put myself out there in order to grow and to learn. I may not be the person who wants to go out and party and meet tons of boys, and that's going to have to be ok with other people. I've found what I needed at the time, and it's not what I need anymore. I've discovered so much about myself in the past year. This may sound like I'm writing about all the bad things, but there were so many more good times. Hopefully, they will continue into the new year in my life. I hope that there will be many many more good times in the coming year. I love those that I have chosen to stay in my life. I couldn't be happier with the way that many things have turned out. I have had a good 21st year, and I can only hope that the 22nd will be even better. I love my life and the people in it!!!
I'll write about my mom's visit another time. Right now is a time for reflection.
Hours until my birthday: 1
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Ok. So I wrote this last night at like 1am so it may sound a little incoherent or redundant so I don't care. I'm going to post something again later today.
My mommy is coming today!!! YAY! I love it when my mom comes to visit me. I honestly think I have THE best mom in the whole ENTIRE world. She is honestly my best friend, and she has always been there for me. Yes, there are times when we don’t necessarily get along, but I know she’s always there for me whether I really want her there or not. She offers me advice, and she is the most supportive person I’ve ever known. I’ve had other friends in the past, but they’re in the past. My mom is my past, my present, and my future. Whenever I need anything, I can always count on her to be there for me. I’ve had a had past year, and she continues to be at my side and offer her support. She never leaves me to fend for myself unless she knows it’s for the best. There have been times when I have needed her, and she only offers me advice. She has always let me try to find stuff out for myself. I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life, and she’s let me learn from them. I’ll present her with a situation that I want, and she only gives me advice.
I remember when I was wanting to go to England, and she said that she didn’t think it was a good time for me to go. I did it anyway. She said that she’s glad I didn’t let her stop me from going. She thinks that it was one of the best opportunities that I have ever had. It was nice to hear her say that she was wrong. She may not have used those exact words, but I got her message loud and clear. Even moms can be wrong sometimes.
There have been other times in my life, though, when I wish I had listened to her. This whole situation with the sorority could’ve been prevented if I had just listened to her advice. Looking back, there are a lot of times when I should’ve listened to her. I could have saved myself a lot of heartbreak, time, and money. It’s too late now. I’ve learned a lot about myself from those experiences. Even when I was learning the hardest lessons, I knew my mom was there.
Not many people can say this and mean it, but I really, truly love my mom. Some people think that I only love my mom because she’s my mom, and I pretty much have to love her. Although this is true to an extent, I not only love my mom, but I LIKE her too. Not many people can really say that.
I’M SO EXCITED MY MOM IS COMING TO VISIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Days until my birthday: 2
My mommy is coming today!!! YAY! I love it when my mom comes to visit me. I honestly think I have THE best mom in the whole ENTIRE world. She is honestly my best friend, and she has always been there for me. Yes, there are times when we don’t necessarily get along, but I know she’s always there for me whether I really want her there or not. She offers me advice, and she is the most supportive person I’ve ever known. I’ve had other friends in the past, but they’re in the past. My mom is my past, my present, and my future. Whenever I need anything, I can always count on her to be there for me. I’ve had a had past year, and she continues to be at my side and offer her support. She never leaves me to fend for myself unless she knows it’s for the best. There have been times when I have needed her, and she only offers me advice. She has always let me try to find stuff out for myself. I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life, and she’s let me learn from them. I’ll present her with a situation that I want, and she only gives me advice.
I remember when I was wanting to go to England, and she said that she didn’t think it was a good time for me to go. I did it anyway. She said that she’s glad I didn’t let her stop me from going. She thinks that it was one of the best opportunities that I have ever had. It was nice to hear her say that she was wrong. She may not have used those exact words, but I got her message loud and clear. Even moms can be wrong sometimes.
There have been other times in my life, though, when I wish I had listened to her. This whole situation with the sorority could’ve been prevented if I had just listened to her advice. Looking back, there are a lot of times when I should’ve listened to her. I could have saved myself a lot of heartbreak, time, and money. It’s too late now. I’ve learned a lot about myself from those experiences. Even when I was learning the hardest lessons, I knew my mom was there.
Not many people can say this and mean it, but I really, truly love my mom. Some people think that I only love my mom because she’s my mom, and I pretty much have to love her. Although this is true to an extent, I not only love my mom, but I LIKE her too. Not many people can really say that.
I’M SO EXCITED MY MOM IS COMING TO VISIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Days until my birthday: 2
Friday, February 5, 2010
Writing Papers
I've often wondered why it was so hard to just sit down and write a paper. I mean, COME ON! Why can't I just make myself focus on one task. It seems like the only way I can make myself do something sometimes is to set a deadline and make myself do it. Otherwise, it won't get done. Like this paper I have to write. I already got an extension for it because my teacher didn't make it available until the day before it was due and said she would make an exception for some people. I wrote her and explained that I'm a busy girl and didn't have time to write it. I asked her if I could have it into her by Saturday. She said that was fine. I went online today to check out the prompt again, having forgotten it sent looking at it on Tuesday. I texted one of the girls in my class asking what it is. Do you want to know what the prompt is? WHAT IS LINGUISTICS. How much broader of a topic could that be? Then I learned that I have to have three sources. That better include the book or I'm fucking SCREWED!!!!!!!!!!!! I really don't like the class anyway. Language isn't something that really interests me. I love English because I love reading and writing. I don't care about the actual make up of the English language. If I wanted to study languages, I would've chosen a language based major. As it is, I choose to be a teacher. I understand that teaching language is an important part of being a teacher since I'll have to teach kiddies about the different parts of speech and stuff like that, but I'm GOOD at that stuff. I don't understand why I have to learn about African American Vernacular English. What the bloody hell is that anyway? I know it's Ebonics, but why I do I have to learn about it? I understand we all have different standards of English, but I don't get why I have to learn about ALL of them. I'm not a language student, and I don't care to learn about different languages. Just teach me how to teach children about it, and I'll be happy. Ok. I guess I should go research and write my paper now. Good night.
Days until my birthday: 3!!!!!
Days until my birthday: 3!!!!!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Sororities...What Fun!
As some of you may know, I am in the process of getting out of my sorority. Out of protection/loyalty/stupidness, I'm not going to say the name of the sorority or of any of the girls.
I've been trying to get out o the sorority since October. I recently found out that I'm still in it because international headquarters has not yet received my paperwork. How ridiculous is that!?! I did my bit way back in October, and I'm still here. Now, they're trying to say that I owe over $400. I'm like woah! Even with the four months I've been trying to get out, it wouldn't be that much. The dues are only $85 a month. I know that's still a lot, but it's not as bad as some other sorority. Now I have to meet with the president and finance person to discuss what is going on. I'll pay what I can, but it'll have to be done in installments. I don't get paid very much or work many hours. Did I mention that I only get paid once a month? Yeah. This coming month will have the most hours I've ever worked. I should make about $400, but I'm not going to use my whole paycheck to pay for something that I haven't wanted to be in since October. Now, I have to meet with both of these people on Sunday at 8am. It's not very inconvenient for me because I have to be awake at that time anyway in order to go to church and Sunday school. They can't meet with me after church because they have EC at noon, and I usually don't get out of Sunday school until about 1pm. Oh well. Way more inconvenient for them than for me. I would meet with them tomorrow, but someone I guess can't meet during the times I'm available. Despite the fact that I'm no longer active in the sorority, I am still a pretty busy girl. Oh well. At least, I know they'll have to be up way earlier than they want to be. I think I'm going to go do some homework now. Sorry this is boring.
Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't be a vlogger. I mean, my own blog doesn't even interest me.
I've been trying to get out o the sorority since October. I recently found out that I'm still in it because international headquarters has not yet received my paperwork. How ridiculous is that!?! I did my bit way back in October, and I'm still here. Now, they're trying to say that I owe over $400. I'm like woah! Even with the four months I've been trying to get out, it wouldn't be that much. The dues are only $85 a month. I know that's still a lot, but it's not as bad as some other sorority. Now I have to meet with the president and finance person to discuss what is going on. I'll pay what I can, but it'll have to be done in installments. I don't get paid very much or work many hours. Did I mention that I only get paid once a month? Yeah. This coming month will have the most hours I've ever worked. I should make about $400, but I'm not going to use my whole paycheck to pay for something that I haven't wanted to be in since October. Now, I have to meet with both of these people on Sunday at 8am. It's not very inconvenient for me because I have to be awake at that time anyway in order to go to church and Sunday school. They can't meet with me after church because they have EC at noon, and I usually don't get out of Sunday school until about 1pm. Oh well. Way more inconvenient for them than for me. I would meet with them tomorrow, but someone I guess can't meet during the times I'm available. Despite the fact that I'm no longer active in the sorority, I am still a pretty busy girl. Oh well. At least, I know they'll have to be up way earlier than they want to be. I think I'm going to go do some homework now. Sorry this is boring.
Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't be a vlogger. I mean, my own blog doesn't even interest me.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
A New Lesson in Life
So yesterday, I learned something new. If you only get three hours of sleep, you are likely to be asleep at a ridiculously early hour like 8pm. I found these out when I woke up and actually looked at the clock. It was only 9pm. I felt like such a loser. Who goes to bed at 8pm? Apparently, I do, but for good reason. I had stayed up until about 3:30am the night before doing homework. I had a bunch due yesterday, and I actually had to do it because I had class that day. I know. I know. Don't you always have class, Megan? Yes, yes I do. BUT my 8am class was cancelled last week so I decided not to do it then and to do it sometime during the week so I wouldn't be waiting until the last minute to do both. Of course that planned failed as I did it the night before anyway. Of course, it didn't help that there were other things that I would rather have been doing anyway, like writing here, reading Kristina's blog, and watching youtube. I have a secret confession: I'm quite addicted to youtube, but that's another blog.
So right now, I have Harry Potter 4 on. I just wanted to watch it for the brief glimpses of David Tennant. I know he's only in there for a whole 5 minutes, if that, but I love him. He's just an amazing actor! I LOVE LOVE LOVE him in Doctor Who, another little addiction of mine :) I'm sure I have more I could tell you about, but you'll have to find those out as we go along.
So... sleep=goodness actually doing homework on time=good David Tennant=AMAZING Harry Potter=fantastic
The lesson to learn from all this though is to do your homework and get some sleep.
Time to take a shower so I'll talk to you later!
Megan
Days until my birthday: 5
So right now, I have Harry Potter 4 on. I just wanted to watch it for the brief glimpses of David Tennant. I know he's only in there for a whole 5 minutes, if that, but I love him. He's just an amazing actor! I LOVE LOVE LOVE him in Doctor Who, another little addiction of mine :) I'm sure I have more I could tell you about, but you'll have to find those out as we go along.
So... sleep=goodness actually doing homework on time=good David Tennant=AMAZING Harry Potter=fantastic
The lesson to learn from all this though is to do your homework and get some sleep.
Time to take a shower so I'll talk to you later!
Megan
Days until my birthday: 5
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
A Path of Self-Discovery
I'm sitting writing out my intention form for next year as an RA. I will not be back in the fall, but I am hoping to be hired for the summer. I'm not really sure if I have to fill out the back part, but I am just in case. Better to write it out and need to do it then to not fill out and need to do it. Anyway, I learned that I have apparently been on a path of self-discovery and didn't even know it. I don't know if it's true, but I have learned a lot about myself. I'm not going to go into too much detail here, but I just thought I would share that. It's kind of depressing to be perfectly honest. I've been through a lot in the past year, but it won't matter soon. Who would have though? Hmmm.... Some food for thought.
Megan
P.S. Sorry this wasn't more interesting. Maybe something will happen next time I write. Think good thoughts :)
Days until my birthday: 6
Megan
P.S. Sorry this wasn't more interesting. Maybe something will happen next time I write. Think good thoughts :)
Days until my birthday: 6
Monday, February 1, 2010
I Don't Know What to Write
I know it sounds weird to come onto a blog site and not know what to write, but I think that's ok. Sometimes I just need somewhere to sit down and write whatever random thoughts come to my head. I've just been feeling a little uninspired lately. I've been watching A LOT of youtube lately, and it's made me realize that maybe I am insignificant in the wide spectrum of things. I mean, I don't talk to anybody on there, and yet I have friends on there. Even the friends I have IRL, I don't talk to. Yet the people I (don't) know on the interwebz and I are friends on there if only because we have something in common. That thing in common is that we're on youtube, and we happen to have subscriptions to the same people or maybe they're telling me that I need to make a video because they want to get to know me. Who knows? All I know is that I've gotten a couple of random people asking to be my friend on a website that I don't even really participate on. I like watching people like CharlieIsSoCoolLike (Charlie McDonnell), Nerimon (Alex Day), italktosnakes (Kristina Horner), and hexachordal (Tom Milsom). I've never actually talked to any of them, but it brightens my day when they post a video. Like today, both Alex and Kristina posted videos. I stopped everything just so that I could listen to what they had to say. I know. I'm a loser, but if they could be famous on youtube, why couldn't I? Maybe I don't have to have hundreds of thousands of subscribers like Charlie or post videos of songs that I've written like Alex, or have a comp channel like Kristina, but I can still make myself happy by just telling people about the things that are going on in my life. Maybe one day I could have lots of subscribers, but I'll never know until I try. My mom told me that she got me an actual VIDEO CAMERA for my birthday next week (I know it kind of ruins the fun of opening it up, but whatever). Now that I'll have a proper camera, maybe I can take videos of myself. I only have my crappy $15 webcam right now, and the resolution on that thing is terrible! I'll still use it for my dailybooth, but maybe I'll turn into a proper vlogger now. I'm going to try to keep this thing more updated too though. Ok. I know this has been really boring so I think I'll end it now. I'll try to be more interesting in the next one. I PROMISE!!! I hope your day was awesome!
Megan
Days until my birthday: 7
Megan
Days until my birthday: 7
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