Earlier today I started a blog post all about how great my week has been. Trust me. It has been a great week. I've been offered opportunities, and I have received great marks for my hard work in certain areas. For some reason, though, I don't feel like writing about those things. They are things I definitely want documented and saved here for all of eternity, but I just don't feel like writing about them. I guess I'll have to save those things for another day.
Instead, I feel like just writing. In my linguistics class, we've been talking a lot about language in general lately. We were all divided into groups, and the group that presented last week talked a little bit about the importance of letting kids write. I think it's a very important topic. However instead of boring you about why it's so important to let kids write, I'm just going to write.
I started a poem earlier today that I have yet to finish. (Today seems to be the day of unfinished things for me.) Luckily, I only started it within the last four hours (but really probably more like the last two) so I can't really be ridiculed for having had lots of time on it. It's about keeping your options open. It's about how we should listen to our hearts and choose the option that's right for us, but that we also have lots to learn from the choices that we make. It makes me think of Chris. He's been an inspiration to me a lot lately. I don't know why I can't just let him go. I can't wait until I get to go to England this summer for a week. I hope to see him. I hope to be able to talk to him and maybe restart where we left off. I know it's a long shot. For all I know, he's already gone off and found another girl that he loves very very much. I can't help but hope that he hasn't. I can't help but hope that maybe he still thinks of me as much as I think of him. Well, maybe not as much as I think of him because he has a real job where he can't really afford to get distracted like I can. Chris fills up a great deal of my day.
Chris is sometimes the only person that pushes me to get through my classes and work. I work so that I can make money and go back to England and hopefully see him. I work so that I can save money and move to England if he still wants me. I work so that I have money to start a new life in England with Chris if that's what we decide we both want. I go to class so that I have something to offer. I go to class so that I can be knowledgeable. I go to class so that I'm not a stereotypical Army girlfriend/wife. Chris is in the British Army. I want to be with Chris no matter his occupation. I want to be the one that marries him and has his kids. I don't want that now. It's something I want in the future. Right now all I want is him. I want to be the on that brings a smile to his face just by seeing my name on his mobile when I call or text. I want to be the one that he thinks of before he goes to bed and right when he wakes up. I want to be his inspiration to go to work and be a better man.
I know it seems like I'm obsessed. I might be a little bit. I never felt like things were really over between Chris and me. I guess I just hope that wherever Chris is, he still thinks of me and loves me. I just want him to be happy, and I want to be the one that makes him happy. Maybe I can find out when I go back to Grantham to find out. I just have to know how our story really ends.
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