Old Friends

When I was in girl scouts, we were taught a song. It went like this, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." I remember that we used to stand in a circle and sing it at the end of every girl scout meeting.
However now at 24, I realize that that song can't be true. You have to let go of old friends. You have to move on from them when you feel they aren't good for you anymore. You admit defeat and you move on. You find new friends. Sometimes, they're better. Sometimes, they're not. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a short while and others for your whole life. You have to do what's right for you and not get bogged down by what others think of you.
This is particularly relevant for me tonight. When I was at Harlaxton, I met a girl named Mary. She and I became good friends. We hung out together. We went out at night to the clubs (with other people too). We ate all of our meals together. You would think we were really good friends. We even managed to stay in contact after Harlaxton (which if you knew me, you would know is kind of a miracle!). I thought she was going to be a forever friend.
While we were at Harlaxton, she met a boy. He seemed ok when I first met him (which was a month after they had met), but as time went on, I stopped liking him. Whenever she asked me for my opinion, I told her that I didn't like him. A few weeks ago, she text me and said that there was a time when it was easy to not care about me because of the things I said about him. It really hurt my feelings.
Tonight she text me. I text her back saying that her saying it was easy not to care about me really hurt my feelings and I needed some time away from her. She made a big deal out of it, and eventually, I told her that she needed to stop texting me because I didn't want to be her friend anymore. She kept going on and on about how horrible a friend I am. That I'm not as much of a princess as I think I am. That I'm a bridezilla. I need to not force Gareth to marry me. That she thinks I'm rushing things and that she's not the only one that thinks so. She told me to piss off and to fuck off. I eventually told her, "Thank you for your opinion." After that, I stopped answering any of her texts. She sent me a few more about what a rotten friend I am. That Ashley (the now ex-boyfriend she met at Harlaxton)never liked me either so now we're even (not her exact words because she apparently can't type her words herself and has to use T9). I read them.
I'll be honest. The things she said really hurt at first. Then I talked to my mom. My mom is the most amazing woman in my life. She said that I needed to stop second guessing myself (I asked her if I had made the right decision). She also told me something that really struck home. She told me that I was letting other people's opinions get to me too much. I wanted to talk to my friend Jennifer because I know that she's the only person Mary could be talking about when she said that she's not the only one that thinks so. I wanted to talk to her and ask her, but I decided against it. Jenni and I are going to be sisters eventually. I have to stop taking so much to heart if we're going to continue being friends afterwards. My mom asked me if it really matters what Jenni thinks. I thought about it for a second and realized that it didn't. The only person's opinion about my relationship that I need to consider is my fiance's. After all, he's the one that I'm committing my life to. I've decided I'm going to talk to him about it. I need to make sure that he's ready to marry me. I need to make sure that he doesn't feeling like I'm forcing him to marry me.
The greatest thing about tonight: Soon everything Mary said tonight will just be a memory that won't hurt anymore. I did what was best for me. I think I did the right thing. I know Gareth will think I did the right thing. There's no else whose opinion matters so much to me.

Parents

"There are just some things you should never include include other people in, no matter who they are."

I posted the above quote as my status on facebook earlier today. I don't know if it's an original quote or not, but it has a lot of truth for me right now.
Gareth is coming on Saturday for a visit. He'll be here for a whole two weeks. Ordinarily, I would have followed up such a statement with a million exclamation points. However, I'm really not excited about him coming anymore. There are two people who are responsible for me feeling this way: his parents.
I guess before I go to much further, I should start this story as all other stories start: at the beginning.
Gareth and I have talked about getting engaged for a while now. We had decided on a nice, big wedding in 2014 at Harlaxton Manor. It was going to be absolutely gorgeous. While we still have that dream (or something similar anyway), we made one little change. We decided that the best way to save money would be to go ahead and get married while he's here in January.
There are lots of reasons why we decided this. We love each. We're going to get married anyway. We just want to be a normal couple and do normal couple things. My life wouldn't be on hold anymore while we are in this relationship. It would have been a wonderful thing to become his wife. In fact, I was really looking forward to it.
Gareth originally wasn't going to say anything to his parents about getting married. However, I looked at it from the point of view that if I had a child and he/she got married and didn't tell me, I would be hurt. I pushed and I pushed him to tell his parents. He kept asking me if I was sure I wanted him to tell them, and I kept saying yes. So, he told them. Instead of being supportive like I thought they would be, they were the complete opposite. Neither one said congratulations or we're happy for you. His mom told him that he had to tell his dad. Then when he did tell his dad, his dad went on and on about getting a prenup and all this other stuff. Gareth just sat there and listened. He didn't say one word to his dad about what his dad was saying.
We were on Skype together when he told his parents. When he told me what his parents said, I was absolutely heart broken. I just couldn't believe that they weren't immediately supportive of their son. It made me feel like I was some girl Gareth could buy with his money or something. Really. I started crying because I was so hurt they though of me as not being good enough for their soon.
So now, I'm not going to become his Mrs in January. I know it's only 6 months difference, but I was so looking forward to being his wife, to starting our lives together. Now, his parents have ripped that away from me, and I don't know what to do. I feel like my life instead of being on pause is on stop. Everything just hurts, and I don't even know if I want to be with Gareth anymore; not when he can't even defend our relationship to his parents.

Is This Real Life?

For the last three and a half months, I have been living with my boyfriend. You might remember him. I've been calling him Bear for the purposes of this blog. Yes, I spent the last three and a half months in England with Bear. It was the best three and half months of my life. As of Sunday night though, I've been back in Texas.
It's already been a difficult past three days. I miss being with him in person. Yes, we're doing the skype thing again. We're even playing Words with Friends right this very moment. This all seems like my real life.
The past three and a half months feels like it was all a dream. It's like I went to sleep, dreamt about England and being with Bear, and then woke up on Sunday. The only proof I have is the huge suitcase sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor, a camera full of memories, and the smell of him on a shirt. It was the best three and a half months of my life though. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if I could.
We finally got to celebrate anniversaries together. We even celebrated the most important one of all: the one year anniversary. We went to York and stayed in a hotel. I got to see things that most people only ever dream about. I saw castle walls that are older than even the first colony in the USA. I ate really horrible Mexican food and lived to talk about it. I saw what it was like to be a Viking. I saw their bones and where they lived. I even found out where the word husband comes from. It was the best anniversary I could have ever asked for.
The best part is that I got to do everything that "normal" couples get to do. I got to hold Bear's hand and kiss him whenever I wanted to. I got to snuggle up next to him while watching tv. I got to fall asleep on his chest with his arms around me. I could even text him without it costing a hundred dollars. We made breakfast and dinner together. We danced together. I could look deep into his beautiful blue eyes and know that he was looking back at me with all of the love that he has for me. It was the best time of my life.
Now though, things are completely different. We're back to having to skype. We have to make time for each other. I sleep in my bed alone. I have no one to kiss and snuggle with. Now when I make a cup of tea, I make one...for myself. There is no we. There's no we're going to do things. If I could, I would make myself go back to sleep now and hope to wake up in England with him in his bed with his arms around me.
The dream that I hope will one come true for us one day soon. Right now though, I have to make do with the life I have. I can't keep up the dream of Bear because right now this is real life.

Loving from a Distance

I am a proud member of the forum know as Loving from a Distance (www.lovingfromadistance.com). It's for people who are part of a long distance relationship. I am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend lives all the way in England while I live in the deep in the heart of Texas. It's hard sometimes. You don't always know what you're doing. You don't always know if you're doing the right thing. My relationship is everything a relationship should be with just one minor hiccup: we live almost 5,000 miles away from each other. It takes a lot of time, patience, and energy to keep up a relationship when you're not physically with that person. It's hard when you go 3 or 4 months in between visits. It's hard to not be able to hold the other person's hand or just call them whenever you want. Sometimes you have to rely on other people, strangers even, to help you get through the hard times.
That's where Loving from a Distance comes in. It's a forum with it's own community. The one thing that's the same for all of us is that we're all in a long distance relationship. We have some of the same problems. We share similar experiences. We all go through hard times and we all go through amazing times. The thing I love most about this community that I'm a part of is that we celebrate with each other and we commiserate with each other.
I'll never forget when people seemed to all be breaking up at the same time. It was hard to see all of those relationships end, knowing that yours could be next. No relationship is 100% guaranteed. You have to take things in stride. Being one of the ones to survive and having the other that survived made a huge difference for me. Seeing other people go through it made me realize that we, Gareth and I, could make it too.
I've seen international relationships make it. I've seen international relationships that closed the distance or are in the process of closing the distance. It gives me hope. It inspires me to make mine work because if they can do it, we can do it too. They've already proven that it can work. I just have to make it work for me too.
Loving from a distance is a website where people from all over the world come together not only to share problems but also come together to celebrate one another. We inspire each other and prove that long distance relationships can and do work.

Looking for Flights

One of the things that I love most about being in an LDR is the visits. I love getting to spend time with him in person. I like getting to hold his hand and kiss his lips. I like getting to sleep next to him and hearing his heart beat. But the one thing I don't like about visiting is the stuff prior to seeing him, which includes looking for flights.
I hate going through all of the different websites to try to find the best deal. of course, you never do. There's always going to be a flight the next day that is cheaper or has better times. I try and look months ahead of time, and I always find flights that I could afford. I can' buy my tickets that far ahead of time because I always have to save up my money. By the time I save up enough money, the plane tickets are always super expensive. I guess the only thing that really keeps me going is that I know will be with him one day.
One day I won't have to save up my money and wait to have to see him. One day, I will get to wake up and he will be right there beside me. This is just temporary. One day, he and I will be together forever. That's why I go through the hassle of looking for plane tickets. He's the reason why I stay up late just so I can think of him. I can't wait until he really is my forever, and my looking for flights is just for now.

Visiting

One of the most important things about long distance relationships is that you have to visit each other at some point in time. Bear recently came to visit me and has already left. His visit was one of the best times of my life. Yes, there was a lot of sex, but it was more than the sex. It was the building of the emotional aspect of our relationship again. We already have a strong emotional relationships, and the visits to each other just reinforce that. It's during these trips that I know that I love Bear. I know that he really is the one I want to be with forever. Talking on Skype helps us to build these emotions as well, but it's also the little things. Bear and I show each other how much we care about the other. It's the little things that allow us to show each other. It's the little things like how he strokes my hair when we're sitting on the couch. Or the way he tells me he loves me. It's the way he holds me in his arms. The way that he wraps his legs around mine when we're in bed. He makes me feel like the most special girl in the whole wide world.
We do some of the most boring things in the whole world. We make dinner together. We go walking around the mall. We get ice cream. These things would seem like no big deal to someone in a close distance relationships, but I live for these moments. I spend months and months waiting to cook for Bear again. I go weeks waiting for something as simple as a kiss. Yet I know that someday, it will all be worth it. I know that Bear and I will be together forever because these visits show me how perfect we are together. They show me how perfect we for each other. I thank God for bringing Bear to me. He adds value to my life all because of who he is. I can't wait for May. Not because I'm graduating but because Bear is going to be here to see me graduate. I can't wait to feel his hand in mine and to feel his lips against my mouth again. I love Bear.

Waiting for His E-mails

One of the things I dislike the most about being in a long distance relationship is the waiting. I feel like I'm always waiting for something from him. Right now, I'm waiting for his e-mail. On Thursdays, I work really late (or early depending on how you look at it) so I always e-mail him when I get to work at midnight. I then spend the rest of my four hour shift waiting for him to e-mail me back. I pretty much check my e-mail every five minutes in hopes that he'll have e-mailed me back. I love when he e-mails me. I love reading the sweet things he has to say. I love it when I hear from him. Yet, I'm always waiting. Sometimes it's because I don't actually get the e-mail until 12 hours later (this has actually happened several times) or I miss one of my five minute checks because I become focused on homework or some other task or sometimes I just forget to check (which rarely happens). It just becomes so disheartening sometimes because I live for the moments when I get to hear from him. If there was one thing I could change, it would be the waiting. But then, that's part of being in a long distance relationship, and I wouldn't change my relationship for the world. For now, it is perfect.

*Number of times I checked my e-mail while writing this: five

Happiness

Ever since I got back from seeing Bear, it seems like I'm only happy when I'm talking to him, or texting him, or reading one of his e-mails. The rest of the time, I feel miserable. Everything was fine until I went to see him. Before, I could actually get things accomplished instead of just waiting for him to respond to me. I got my homework done (most of the time). I ate. I slept. I did the things I was supposed to. Ever since I got back though, I feel like I've been in the dumps except for the few times a week I actually get to talk to him. The things that used to excite me, no longer matter. My friends can't understand because they've never experience anything like this. It's so hard having him so far away. I really do feel like crying like 90% of the time. I just can't seem to function without him, and I really don't want to. I want to be in England with Bear. I want to feel his arms around me. I want to press my lips against his. I never want to leave him. The more serious things get, the more I want to be with him all the time. Even when we talk, the last five minutes are the hardest five minutes of my life. I know other LDR couples don't get to talk as often as we do. I know that I am extremely fortunate that Bear and I have the resources that we do. I know that there is no reason for me to be sad. I just can't help it. I want to be with Bear for forever and always. January won't come soon enough.

Meeting My New Love

In a post a long, long time ago, I mentioned that I had met someone and we were now together. I promised that I would tell all about him and how we met.

His name for the this blog will be Bear. It's part of my nickname for him. :) Anyway as you may remember, I went to England in August for a week to meet my friend Jenni. While I was here, I meet Bear. All it took was one look at him, and I knew I wanted him. The first day, the four of us (Jenni, her bf, Bear, and me) went to a pub to get something to eat. He even bought me a drink that first day. I asked Jenni the next day if it was ok with her if I went after him. I didn't want things to be awkward between everybody because I was going after her boyfriend's brother. She said that she didn't mind. After our talk, all bets were off. I even started waking up earlier so that I could spend some time with him before he went to work. There was one day when some people came over, and I spend that time with Bear. It was a couple that had come over. Jenni and Ross kept them entertained while Bear and I were kind just left to our own devices. I chose to sit on the arm of his chair and give him my number. That Friday, we had sex. It was so good. At first, I didn't want anything to do with him. I was ashamed that I had had sex with him so fast. However when I was on my way home, I missed him. I still miss him every day.

He's not the hottest guy I've ever seen (or even dated), but he's mine. When I'm with him, I feel like a princess. He even calls me princess. He cares about me and calls me his favorite girl. I like to tease him about his love affair with this English chef called Delia. It's funny. Being without him is hard, especially since I just got back from seeing him. All I want is for him to put his arms around me. Sometimes when I'm feeling sick, I want him here to cuddle me and make me feel better. It's just so hard, but I know that one day when we can be together for a long time, it'll all be worth it. If we get to spend the rest of our lives together, it'll be so worth all the hardships now. I can't wait to spend as much time as possible with him. I can't wait to see him in January.

She is Home

I got this off from a post on lovingfromadistance.com. I thought that it summed up long distance relationships very well and had to keep it in some way. The url of the actual post is: http://www.pvponline.com/2010/11/29/shes-home/. Anyway, enjoy!

SHE IS HOME

Angela is home. We are reunited.

Six months apart. We arranged weekend visits. Short passes through where we could remind each other what we’re like in person. But they were fleeting and, in my opinion, only served to make things worse. We are also aware how petty our hardships seem in comparison to others who also live in such times. So we’ve tried to keep a reasonable perspective. But we are human beings, which is to say that we are petty and imperfect.

Ultimately, when you miss someone this much, reasoning goes out the window.

I thought a lot about her while we were apart. I thought a lot about us. And I tried to quantify what it is that I missed the most. The lewd among us are quick to giggle and reference the physical. The romantics weep for the lack of companionship we were forced to live without. And sure it stinks to be without those things. But there was something about being apart from her that was just unbearable and I couldn’t for the life of me pin down what specifically it was.

Until this morning.

Our bedroom set consists of a large wooden frame, two nightstands and a couple of dressers. Our bedroom in Dallas was large enough to accommodate all of this, but the master bedroom in our townhouse is considerably smaller. The one available wall only has room for our bed and nightstands if one nightstand is facing the bed, instead of out. And so I turned mine inward so as not to inconvenience her.

Of course, the arrangement in and of itself immediately inconvenienced her. Just the sight of it. And this morning she became determined we could make it all fit properly.

“I have an inch between my bed and my nightstand. And another between it and the wall. We can move this to fit.”

It’s a large heavy bed and frame and headboard. I wasn’t sure we could move it without dismantling it. I suggested we just leave it be.

“I’ll sit down on this side, and push with my legs.” she instructed. “You pull on that side and we’ll move it in small nudges.”

So she sat down and braced back against the wall and her legs against the back corner of the bed. I crouched down on the opposite side and spread my legs a bit for the best leverage. We counted down from three and then the both of us gave it everything we had.

The bed didn’t even know we were trying. It was completely unaffected.

The sheer unforgiving nature of the bed sent us immediately into hysterics. We couldn’t stop laughing. Angela couldn’t stand up she was laughing so hard.

That was the moment I realized what I missed so much. Not the embraces. Not the sweet whispers. Not the physical. I missed THIS.

There are thousands of little adventures that Angela and I have embarked on, both subtle and gross that will eventually add up to equal our lives together. Adventures like our quest to move the bed this morning that ended in a noble failure full of laughter. And when we were apart, those adventures were put on hold. Which is to say that our life together was put on hold. A life that is more important than any of the specifics that make it up. What did I miss the most about Angela? All of it. Everything. I missed US.

And I think now I have a better frame of reference for beginning to understand why my father acted the way he did after my mother died. I don’t think I can bring myself to internally examine the concept of losing a mate. I think that might be a dangerous and ultimately self-defeating journey of self-examination.

I’m just glad she’s home. And that home is here. And that we can once again embark on these little adventures that will add up to equal our time together on this planet.

God bless us and keep us safe. God bless those couples who are still separated from each other. God bless others who have found such companionship because it is a rare gift. And more than anything else, God bless those couples who must justify their companionship to a society that isn’t prepared to realize that a person doesn’t get choose their gender any more than they get to choose who they fall in love with.

Amen.

365 Days in 20 Ways Part 2

1. Go to England
Accomplished Amazing experience!

2. Graduate from college.

3. Save $1,000

4. Go to a state that I've never been to (not New York).

5. See Mary and Maytha again.

6. Go to New York.

7. Get hired as a teacher.

8. Post a video on YouTube.

9. Make a new friend
Accomplished Her name is Allyson, and she a Mary Kay consultant with me.

10. BEDA (August or April)

11. Find a boyfriend
Accomplished I met him when I went to England this last time to visit Jennifer. He's amazing, but that's another post. :)

12. Register/go to VidCon.

13. Buy Doctor Who on DVD.

14. Meet someone I admire.

15. Treat myself to something expensive (like diamonds, Coach bag, etc).

16. Organize an event for people.
Accomplished I'm planning Thanksgiving for Mary and her boyfriend Ashley, Jennifer and her boyfriend, Gareth- my boyfriend- and me.

17. Volunteer at the animal shelter.

18. Learn to play guitar.

19. Work on English accent.

20. Read and study the Bible.

So MUCH!

Today I decided that I was going to register for my teaching insurance. I filled out the application and everything. It was fine. Then I decided that I wanted to look around and a little bit. I never realized how much there is to just being a teacher. I knew that there was a lot of work. My eyes have been opened already to just how much a teacher does, but I had never realized how much there is to just getting to say I'm a (student) teacher. It kind of blew my mind just a little bit. There are timelines on the site for the organization that I joined for student teachers to use. Apparently, I need to start working now. I need to talk to the education department and find out what I need for my portfolio and such so that I can even just graduate. I've missed out on a lot because I took two classes over in England. Those two classes were ones that I needed to just start my portfolio. People have been really nice and willing to help me, but I don't even know what it is I'm supposed to do for my portfolio. I'm going to have to talk to my advisor. So much to do and in such a short time. I remember when it felt like I was never going to graduate. Now, it's in less than a year. It's hard to believe. By the end of next week, I could be a certified teacher. It's all happening way faster than I ever thought it would. My head is spinning right just thinking about all of it. It's all paperwork, too. I can't even think about my resume right now. I don't even know what all I have done. I don't know. My head is too full of thoughts right now. I'm gonna go. Bye.

P.S. Finally got a full week in. Yay!

I Suck at This

Hey guys! I've only been at this blogging every day this month thing, I realized that I really suck at writing every day. I even leave blogger up on my computer so I'll remember to write, and I still put it off. I've already missed three days, and it's only the 9th. That means, I haven't even written a week's worth of blogs yet. We may just have to try this again in April.

Anyway, my job is over for the most part! All the camps are gone, and I don't really have anything to do. I need to check rooms, but I'll do that later.

EDIT I checked one room today. I'm going to check the other ones tomorrow and Wednesday. It shouldn't be too bad. I can do it pretty quickly.

I became a Mary Kay lady today. Don't ask me how that happened. I really like MK, but I suck at selling. I guess I'll give it a try. Even if it doesn't work out, at least I get a 50% discount. That won't be so bad.

Well, my head really hurts so I'm going to go now. Plus, I have to work in 10 minutes. I really don't want to go. I'd rather go to bed.

10 More Minutes

I have about 10 more minutes to get this out for today. Hurry!

Anyway... I have a seven year old asleep on the couch in the other room right now. No, it's not my seven year old from the Dominican Republic, but rather the daughter of a lady that I work with. The other lady was going out tonight to celebrate her birthday a couple of weeks ago and left her daughter with me. It was kinda fun. It reminded me of why I like being around kids. Although, this little girl can talk nonstop. She's adorable, though.

The last couple of days have been pretty busy. I was up until about 4am yesterday doing laundry and watching Doctor Who with a friend. It was fun. Then today, another friend and I spent pretty much the whole day together. She gave me a pedicure. I did her hair. It was fun. Now, I'm babysitting. The only thing that ruined today was the fact that I just got a call because someone because the person who's supposed to come in after them didn't show up. That sucks. This whole summer goes, and I haven't gotten a call about this girl not showing up. It's the last Saturday she has to work it, and she doesn't show. That's crap.

Anyway, I need to go ahead and publish this since I have only five minutes left. Good night.

Full Day

Today has been a pretty full day. As I was thinking about it, I realized that I have accomplished a lot. I guess that's what happens when you're up for sixteen hours and still can't go to bed for at least another two and a half hours. I'M SO TIRED!!!!!!!! Anyway.... Today I have done a check out, adopted a sponsor kid, received a package, spoken at TWO study abroad sessions, had a meeting, and still made it to work with time to spare. I feel like I have done a lot. I'm very tired now after my full day. This post probably sounds really stupid, but I'm tired. I wish I could go to bed. Two and a half more hours. Until tomorrow!

I Find It Amazing

There are some things in life that I just don't understand. I don't understand disease, war, or heartbreak. I know that heartbreak isn't on par with disease and war as far as the worst things that can happen, but it hurts so much. My heart has been broken many times throughout my life. I've had to work to try to overcome it, but it's so hard. Some days are harder than others. I remember all the good times when we were happy together. I remember us singing together. I remember we were so comfortable with each other that we wouldn't even realize we had stopped talking for at least five minutes when on the phone. Silence means it's comfortable. You were there for me when I was feeling gross. I could tell you anything. Now though, you're gone. You somehow found it possible to throw me away. You made the ultimate decision to not have me in your life anymore. I'm not going to lie. I do miss you sometimes. I just find it amazing that you could do that to me after all the times you said that I was the very best friend you could ever have. We were perfect together, and even though we were just friends, I could have easily spent the rest of my life with you if you had let me. I don't think I required too much from you. A phone call every now and then. For you to answer your phone when I called. These are not big things to ask for. Yet, I had to beg for them towards the end. I'll never forget when you said I was a waste of time. It hurt so much that I cried. I had to go to someone else for comfort. You were the worst heartbreak of all. I know if I could to choose whether or not to go through it again, I would do it all over because there's no way I would trade the memories of the good times. They were the best times. I guess I can only say, I miss you. A lot.

A Quote for Day 2

"Instead of wasting your energy complaining about what you don't have and how the people you thought were your friends did you wrong; focus on what you do have and the people who are there for you and appreciate it before you lose it. No one should have to pay for others' mistakes."

One of my friends wrote this on facebook, and I thought it was deeply insightful. This is it for today.

BEDA Post #1

Remember when I tried doing BEDA (Blog Every Day in April/August) in April, and it didn't quite work out? Well, I'm going to try to do it again, except for August this time. Woot.

So I know it's not actually August 1st anymore which technically means, I've already missed one day. I figure, though, that since I haven't gone to sleep yet, this still totally counts as August 1st. Right? Right.

Anyway, not a lot has been going on. I've just been working and trying to stay out of trouble. It seems to be working thus far. I ordered a dress for when I go to England at the end of the month. I'll post a link here --> Dress I think it's really pretty, and it'll be perfect for when I'm there. I also ordered a pair of earrings, a ring, and a candle that's supposed to smell like a boy. Hopefully, a good smelling boy. I like the way boys smell, which I know is weird, but it's the truth. There's just something about their muskiness. I will take all comments gracefully.

J.J. update: He added me on facebook which is super exciting because he could've just easily said just kidding. No, I'm not adding you. He didn't, though. Maybe he could like me. Maybe he just wants to be friends. I'll just have to get to know him better. There's nothing else to report on that. Leave recommendations on what to say to him in the comments. Y'all know as much as I do about him which isn't saying much. I definitely need to talk to him soon. I'll wait another day or so before I do anything. I want to see if he'll make another move.

School officially starts on August 30th so expect that entry to be one of the last for August. It'll be sad to see this end, but we'll see if I'm even able to keep it up. Wish me luck, guys.

That's about it for now. I had nothing exciting to report so I hope you'll forgive me. Good night. Let's have an awesome August!!!

P.S. Check out Kristina Horner's blog post for the start of BEDA. I promise it'll be much more exciting than mine. Link -->Kristina's Awesome Blog

Just When I Thought I Could Forget...

Many things have happened lately. Things that have left me questioning what I thought I knew. I don't know what I want anymore. I would've thought that I would have forgotten Chris by now, but I haven't. It's been over a year. What if I see him when I'm on holiday? I'm not going to lie. Part of me does want to see him. Yet another part of me knows that if I see him, it could be the worse thing to ever happen. Do I approach him? Should I let him come up to me? I don't know anymore. If this was last year, it would be so much easier. It's not though. It's this year which makes things so much more complicated. Boys are already complicated. Now throwing in a whole other country, doubles that. Maybe boys in England aren't as great as I thought they were. Maybe they are bigger jerks than boys in the US. At least boys in the US are straightforward with you. If they don't like you, they let you know. Guys in England are taught to keep a stiff upper lip and to not let anyone know what you really feel except those closest to you. It makes having a relationship really hard. I didn't know Chris for very long, but it's like he put a spell on me. A spell that I can't break out of. I'm hoping that I've met someone that can, though. We'll call him J.J.

J.J. is a sweet guy. He seems to have the same ambitions that I do. He's going to teach overseas. He likes being around kids. He's cute. He's not the kind of guy that I typically like, but maybe I need that. The crazy thing is that we just met a couple of weeks ago. He's getting ready to go to Prague, though. He's already graduated from uni. I just want to be his friend for now. J.J. is someone that I could see things progressing with maybe. My favorite thing about him is that he is always smiling. When I see him, I feel like I did when I was back in England. I can't help, but have a smile on my face when I'm around him. I haven't felt like that since England. Even though there were hard times in England, I could always smile. I saw J.J. yesterday when I was at work. He stood by the desk for like 5 minutes talking to me. I didn't want him to leave. I knew he had to, but I couldn't let him go. I've already added him on facebook, and am just waiting for him to confirm it. Sometimes I find it to be really amazing how quickly things can change.

Chris will always be in my heart, but I need a change. I hope that I do see him, but I hope that when I do, things will be different. I hope that my heart won't go a million miles an hour. I hope that I won't want to touch him. I hope that I won't still love him. Chris's time needs to be over. It may be time, now, for J.J.

Laundry

So today I had decided that I was going to do laundry. I haven't done laundry since the 4th of July weekend so things were getting pretty desperate. I still have some clothes, but I'm out of things like jeans and work t-shirts. I can dress up for work, but I don't want to unless I have to. Pretty much now, I have to. You want to know why? BECAUSE MY UNI TOOK THE WASHERS AND DRYERS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As a result, I can't do laundry. Uh, hello? I know there's only like five of us actually living in this building, but I still need to do laundry. Today was like the first time I've actually had time to do my laundry in a long time too. We got an e-mail, but it only talked about the laundry machines in the on-campus apartments. It didn't give any information about the actual residence halls. This sucks big time. Now, I'm going to have to hand wash some things, probably tomorrow because I have to be at work in an hour. Typical. I actually have time to get things done, and I can't. This really sucks.