Thursday, December 9, 2010

Waiting for His E-mails

One of the things I dislike the most about being in a long distance relationship is the waiting. I feel like I'm always waiting for something from him. Right now, I'm waiting for his e-mail. On Thursdays, I work really late (or early depending on how you look at it) so I always e-mail him when I get to work at midnight. I then spend the rest of my four hour shift waiting for him to e-mail me back. I pretty much check my e-mail every five minutes in hopes that he'll have e-mailed me back. I love when he e-mails me. I love reading the sweet things he has to say. I love it when I hear from him. Yet, I'm always waiting. Sometimes it's because I don't actually get the e-mail until 12 hours later (this has actually happened several times) or I miss one of my five minute checks because I become focused on homework or some other task or sometimes I just forget to check (which rarely happens). It just becomes so disheartening sometimes because I live for the moments when I get to hear from him. If there was one thing I could change, it would be the waiting. But then, that's part of being in a long distance relationship, and I wouldn't change my relationship for the world. For now, it is perfect.

*Number of times I checked my e-mail while writing this: five

Monday, December 6, 2010

Happiness

Ever since I got back from seeing Bear, it seems like I'm only happy when I'm talking to him, or texting him, or reading one of his e-mails. The rest of the time, I feel miserable. Everything was fine until I went to see him. Before, I could actually get things accomplished instead of just waiting for him to respond to me. I got my homework done (most of the time). I ate. I slept. I did the things I was supposed to. Ever since I got back though, I feel like I've been in the dumps except for the few times a week I actually get to talk to him. The things that used to excite me, no longer matter. My friends can't understand because they've never experience anything like this. It's so hard having him so far away. I really do feel like crying like 90% of the time. I just can't seem to function without him, and I really don't want to. I want to be in England with Bear. I want to feel his arms around me. I want to press my lips against his. I never want to leave him. The more serious things get, the more I want to be with him all the time. Even when we talk, the last five minutes are the hardest five minutes of my life. I know other LDR couples don't get to talk as often as we do. I know that I am extremely fortunate that Bear and I have the resources that we do. I know that there is no reason for me to be sad. I just can't help it. I want to be with Bear for forever and always. January won't come soon enough.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Meeting My New Love

In a post a long, long time ago, I mentioned that I had met someone and we were now together. I promised that I would tell all about him and how we met.

His name for the this blog will be Bear. It's part of my nickname for him. :) Anyway as you may remember, I went to England in August for a week to meet my friend Jenni. While I was here, I meet Bear. All it took was one look at him, and I knew I wanted him. The first day, the four of us (Jenni, her bf, Bear, and me) went to a pub to get something to eat. He even bought me a drink that first day. I asked Jenni the next day if it was ok with her if I went after him. I didn't want things to be awkward between everybody because I was going after her boyfriend's brother. She said that she didn't mind. After our talk, all bets were off. I even started waking up earlier so that I could spend some time with him before he went to work. There was one day when some people came over, and I spend that time with Bear. It was a couple that had come over. Jenni and Ross kept them entertained while Bear and I were kind just left to our own devices. I chose to sit on the arm of his chair and give him my number. That Friday, we had sex. It was so good. At first, I didn't want anything to do with him. I was ashamed that I had had sex with him so fast. However when I was on my way home, I missed him. I still miss him every day.

He's not the hottest guy I've ever seen (or even dated), but he's mine. When I'm with him, I feel like a princess. He even calls me princess. He cares about me and calls me his favorite girl. I like to tease him about his love affair with this English chef called Delia. It's funny. Being without him is hard, especially since I just got back from seeing him. All I want is for him to put his arms around me. Sometimes when I'm feeling sick, I want him here to cuddle me and make me feel better. It's just so hard, but I know that one day when we can be together for a long time, it'll all be worth it. If we get to spend the rest of our lives together, it'll be so worth all the hardships now. I can't wait to spend as much time as possible with him. I can't wait to see him in January.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

She is Home

I got this off from a post on lovingfromadistance.com. I thought that it summed up long distance relationships very well and had to keep it in some way. The url of the actual post is: http://www.pvponline.com/2010/11/29/shes-home/. Anyway, enjoy!

SHE IS HOME

Angela is home. We are reunited.

Six months apart. We arranged weekend visits. Short passes through where we could remind each other what we’re like in person. But they were fleeting and, in my opinion, only served to make things worse. We are also aware how petty our hardships seem in comparison to others who also live in such times. So we’ve tried to keep a reasonable perspective. But we are human beings, which is to say that we are petty and imperfect.

Ultimately, when you miss someone this much, reasoning goes out the window.

I thought a lot about her while we were apart. I thought a lot about us. And I tried to quantify what it is that I missed the most. The lewd among us are quick to giggle and reference the physical. The romantics weep for the lack of companionship we were forced to live without. And sure it stinks to be without those things. But there was something about being apart from her that was just unbearable and I couldn’t for the life of me pin down what specifically it was.

Until this morning.

Our bedroom set consists of a large wooden frame, two nightstands and a couple of dressers. Our bedroom in Dallas was large enough to accommodate all of this, but the master bedroom in our townhouse is considerably smaller. The one available wall only has room for our bed and nightstands if one nightstand is facing the bed, instead of out. And so I turned mine inward so as not to inconvenience her.

Of course, the arrangement in and of itself immediately inconvenienced her. Just the sight of it. And this morning she became determined we could make it all fit properly.

“I have an inch between my bed and my nightstand. And another between it and the wall. We can move this to fit.”

It’s a large heavy bed and frame and headboard. I wasn’t sure we could move it without dismantling it. I suggested we just leave it be.

“I’ll sit down on this side, and push with my legs.” she instructed. “You pull on that side and we’ll move it in small nudges.”

So she sat down and braced back against the wall and her legs against the back corner of the bed. I crouched down on the opposite side and spread my legs a bit for the best leverage. We counted down from three and then the both of us gave it everything we had.

The bed didn’t even know we were trying. It was completely unaffected.

The sheer unforgiving nature of the bed sent us immediately into hysterics. We couldn’t stop laughing. Angela couldn’t stand up she was laughing so hard.

That was the moment I realized what I missed so much. Not the embraces. Not the sweet whispers. Not the physical. I missed THIS.

There are thousands of little adventures that Angela and I have embarked on, both subtle and gross that will eventually add up to equal our lives together. Adventures like our quest to move the bed this morning that ended in a noble failure full of laughter. And when we were apart, those adventures were put on hold. Which is to say that our life together was put on hold. A life that is more important than any of the specifics that make it up. What did I miss the most about Angela? All of it. Everything. I missed US.

And I think now I have a better frame of reference for beginning to understand why my father acted the way he did after my mother died. I don’t think I can bring myself to internally examine the concept of losing a mate. I think that might be a dangerous and ultimately self-defeating journey of self-examination.

I’m just glad she’s home. And that home is here. And that we can once again embark on these little adventures that will add up to equal our time together on this planet.

God bless us and keep us safe. God bless those couples who are still separated from each other. God bless others who have found such companionship because it is a rare gift. And more than anything else, God bless those couples who must justify their companionship to a society that isn’t prepared to realize that a person doesn’t get choose their gender any more than they get to choose who they fall in love with.

Amen.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

365 Days in 20 Ways Part 2

1. Go to England
Accomplished Amazing experience!

2. Graduate from college.

3. Save $1,000

4. Go to a state that I've never been to (not New York).

5. See Mary and Maytha again.

6. Go to New York.

7. Get hired as a teacher.

8. Post a video on YouTube.

9. Make a new friend
Accomplished Her name is Allyson, and she a Mary Kay consultant with me.

10. BEDA (August or April)

11. Find a boyfriend
Accomplished I met him when I went to England this last time to visit Jennifer. He's amazing, but that's another post. :)

12. Register/go to VidCon.

13. Buy Doctor Who on DVD.

14. Meet someone I admire.

15. Treat myself to something expensive (like diamonds, Coach bag, etc).

16. Organize an event for people.
Accomplished I'm planning Thanksgiving for Mary and her boyfriend Ashley, Jennifer and her boyfriend, Gareth- my boyfriend- and me.

17. Volunteer at the animal shelter.

18. Learn to play guitar.

19. Work on English accent.

20. Read and study the Bible.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

So MUCH!

Today I decided that I was going to register for my teaching insurance. I filled out the application and everything. It was fine. Then I decided that I wanted to look around and a little bit. I never realized how much there is to just being a teacher. I knew that there was a lot of work. My eyes have been opened already to just how much a teacher does, but I had never realized how much there is to just getting to say I'm a (student) teacher. It kind of blew my mind just a little bit. There are timelines on the site for the organization that I joined for student teachers to use. Apparently, I need to start working now. I need to talk to the education department and find out what I need for my portfolio and such so that I can even just graduate. I've missed out on a lot because I took two classes over in England. Those two classes were ones that I needed to just start my portfolio. People have been really nice and willing to help me, but I don't even know what it is I'm supposed to do for my portfolio. I'm going to have to talk to my advisor. So much to do and in such a short time. I remember when it felt like I was never going to graduate. Now, it's in less than a year. It's hard to believe. By the end of next week, I could be a certified teacher. It's all happening way faster than I ever thought it would. My head is spinning right just thinking about all of it. It's all paperwork, too. I can't even think about my resume right now. I don't even know what all I have done. I don't know. My head is too full of thoughts right now. I'm gonna go. Bye.

P.S. Finally got a full week in. Yay!

Monday, August 9, 2010

I Suck at This

Hey guys! I've only been at this blogging every day this month thing, I realized that I really suck at writing every day. I even leave blogger up on my computer so I'll remember to write, and I still put it off. I've already missed three days, and it's only the 9th. That means, I haven't even written a week's worth of blogs yet. We may just have to try this again in April.

Anyway, my job is over for the most part! All the camps are gone, and I don't really have anything to do. I need to check rooms, but I'll do that later.

EDIT I checked one room today. I'm going to check the other ones tomorrow and Wednesday. It shouldn't be too bad. I can do it pretty quickly.

I became a Mary Kay lady today. Don't ask me how that happened. I really like MK, but I suck at selling. I guess I'll give it a try. Even if it doesn't work out, at least I get a 50% discount. That won't be so bad.

Well, my head really hurts so I'm going to go now. Plus, I have to work in 10 minutes. I really don't want to go. I'd rather go to bed.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

10 More Minutes

I have about 10 more minutes to get this out for today. Hurry!

Anyway... I have a seven year old asleep on the couch in the other room right now. No, it's not my seven year old from the Dominican Republic, but rather the daughter of a lady that I work with. The other lady was going out tonight to celebrate her birthday a couple of weeks ago and left her daughter with me. It was kinda fun. It reminded me of why I like being around kids. Although, this little girl can talk nonstop. She's adorable, though.

The last couple of days have been pretty busy. I was up until about 4am yesterday doing laundry and watching Doctor Who with a friend. It was fun. Then today, another friend and I spent pretty much the whole day together. She gave me a pedicure. I did her hair. It was fun. Now, I'm babysitting. The only thing that ruined today was the fact that I just got a call because someone because the person who's supposed to come in after them didn't show up. That sucks. This whole summer goes, and I haven't gotten a call about this girl not showing up. It's the last Saturday she has to work it, and she doesn't show. That's crap.

Anyway, I need to go ahead and publish this since I have only five minutes left. Good night.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Full Day

Today has been a pretty full day. As I was thinking about it, I realized that I have accomplished a lot. I guess that's what happens when you're up for sixteen hours and still can't go to bed for at least another two and a half hours. I'M SO TIRED!!!!!!!! Anyway.... Today I have done a check out, adopted a sponsor kid, received a package, spoken at TWO study abroad sessions, had a meeting, and still made it to work with time to spare. I feel like I have done a lot. I'm very tired now after my full day. This post probably sounds really stupid, but I'm tired. I wish I could go to bed. Two and a half more hours. Until tomorrow!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I Find It Amazing

There are some things in life that I just don't understand. I don't understand disease, war, or heartbreak. I know that heartbreak isn't on par with disease and war as far as the worst things that can happen, but it hurts so much. My heart has been broken many times throughout my life. I've had to work to try to overcome it, but it's so hard. Some days are harder than others. I remember all the good times when we were happy together. I remember us singing together. I remember we were so comfortable with each other that we wouldn't even realize we had stopped talking for at least five minutes when on the phone. Silence means it's comfortable. You were there for me when I was feeling gross. I could tell you anything. Now though, you're gone. You somehow found it possible to throw me away. You made the ultimate decision to not have me in your life anymore. I'm not going to lie. I do miss you sometimes. I just find it amazing that you could do that to me after all the times you said that I was the very best friend you could ever have. We were perfect together, and even though we were just friends, I could have easily spent the rest of my life with you if you had let me. I don't think I required too much from you. A phone call every now and then. For you to answer your phone when I called. These are not big things to ask for. Yet, I had to beg for them towards the end. I'll never forget when you said I was a waste of time. It hurt so much that I cried. I had to go to someone else for comfort. You were the worst heartbreak of all. I know if I could to choose whether or not to go through it again, I would do it all over because there's no way I would trade the memories of the good times. They were the best times. I guess I can only say, I miss you. A lot.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

A Quote for Day 2

"Instead of wasting your energy complaining about what you don't have and how the people you thought were your friends did you wrong; focus on what you do have and the people who are there for you and appreciate it before you lose it. No one should have to pay for others' mistakes."

One of my friends wrote this on facebook, and I thought it was deeply insightful. This is it for today.

Monday, August 2, 2010

BEDA Post #1

Remember when I tried doing BEDA (Blog Every Day in April/August) in April, and it didn't quite work out? Well, I'm going to try to do it again, except for August this time. Woot.

So I know it's not actually August 1st anymore which technically means, I've already missed one day. I figure, though, that since I haven't gone to sleep yet, this still totally counts as August 1st. Right? Right.

Anyway, not a lot has been going on. I've just been working and trying to stay out of trouble. It seems to be working thus far. I ordered a dress for when I go to England at the end of the month. I'll post a link here --> Dress I think it's really pretty, and it'll be perfect for when I'm there. I also ordered a pair of earrings, a ring, and a candle that's supposed to smell like a boy. Hopefully, a good smelling boy. I like the way boys smell, which I know is weird, but it's the truth. There's just something about their muskiness. I will take all comments gracefully.

J.J. update: He added me on facebook which is super exciting because he could've just easily said just kidding. No, I'm not adding you. He didn't, though. Maybe he could like me. Maybe he just wants to be friends. I'll just have to get to know him better. There's nothing else to report on that. Leave recommendations on what to say to him in the comments. Y'all know as much as I do about him which isn't saying much. I definitely need to talk to him soon. I'll wait another day or so before I do anything. I want to see if he'll make another move.

School officially starts on August 30th so expect that entry to be one of the last for August. It'll be sad to see this end, but we'll see if I'm even able to keep it up. Wish me luck, guys.

That's about it for now. I had nothing exciting to report so I hope you'll forgive me. Good night. Let's have an awesome August!!!

P.S. Check out Kristina Horner's blog post for the start of BEDA. I promise it'll be much more exciting than mine. Link -->Kristina's Awesome Blog

Friday, July 30, 2010

Just When I Thought I Could Forget...

Many things have happened lately. Things that have left me questioning what I thought I knew. I don't know what I want anymore. I would've thought that I would have forgotten Chris by now, but I haven't. It's been over a year. What if I see him when I'm on holiday? I'm not going to lie. Part of me does want to see him. Yet another part of me knows that if I see him, it could be the worse thing to ever happen. Do I approach him? Should I let him come up to me? I don't know anymore. If this was last year, it would be so much easier. It's not though. It's this year which makes things so much more complicated. Boys are already complicated. Now throwing in a whole other country, doubles that. Maybe boys in England aren't as great as I thought they were. Maybe they are bigger jerks than boys in the US. At least boys in the US are straightforward with you. If they don't like you, they let you know. Guys in England are taught to keep a stiff upper lip and to not let anyone know what you really feel except those closest to you. It makes having a relationship really hard. I didn't know Chris for very long, but it's like he put a spell on me. A spell that I can't break out of. I'm hoping that I've met someone that can, though. We'll call him J.J.

J.J. is a sweet guy. He seems to have the same ambitions that I do. He's going to teach overseas. He likes being around kids. He's cute. He's not the kind of guy that I typically like, but maybe I need that. The crazy thing is that we just met a couple of weeks ago. He's getting ready to go to Prague, though. He's already graduated from uni. I just want to be his friend for now. J.J. is someone that I could see things progressing with maybe. My favorite thing about him is that he is always smiling. When I see him, I feel like I did when I was back in England. I can't help, but have a smile on my face when I'm around him. I haven't felt like that since England. Even though there were hard times in England, I could always smile. I saw J.J. yesterday when I was at work. He stood by the desk for like 5 minutes talking to me. I didn't want him to leave. I knew he had to, but I couldn't let him go. I've already added him on facebook, and am just waiting for him to confirm it. Sometimes I find it to be really amazing how quickly things can change.

Chris will always be in my heart, but I need a change. I hope that I do see him, but I hope that when I do, things will be different. I hope that my heart won't go a million miles an hour. I hope that I won't want to touch him. I hope that I won't still love him. Chris's time needs to be over. It may be time, now, for J.J.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Laundry

So today I had decided that I was going to do laundry. I haven't done laundry since the 4th of July weekend so things were getting pretty desperate. I still have some clothes, but I'm out of things like jeans and work t-shirts. I can dress up for work, but I don't want to unless I have to. Pretty much now, I have to. You want to know why? BECAUSE MY UNI TOOK THE WASHERS AND DRYERS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As a result, I can't do laundry. Uh, hello? I know there's only like five of us actually living in this building, but I still need to do laundry. Today was like the first time I've actually had time to do my laundry in a long time too. We got an e-mail, but it only talked about the laundry machines in the on-campus apartments. It didn't give any information about the actual residence halls. This sucks big time. Now, I'm going to have to hand wash some things, probably tomorrow because I have to be at work in an hour. Typical. I actually have time to get things done, and I can't. This really sucks.

Monday, July 26, 2010

To Whom It May Concern

To whom it may concern:

Right now it is currently 3:47am Central Time. I can't sleep, and I can't even force myself. I may have to result to the my last resort: medication. Before I do that, though, I just want to say one thing. It isn't very thought provoking. It's not going to change your life. You'll probably even forget about this post 10 seconds after you finish reading it. I just have to say it, though. I'm not happy about what's going on in my life. I just can't seem to do anything right anymore. Yeah, I pretend to plaster a smile on my face every day, but it's all fake. It's easy to fake it when I'm around people, but the second I'm alone, it's easy to let the barriers down. I just sit on the chair in my "living room" and watch youtube or go on facebook. I rely on the people of the internet to help me through my day. I just can't seem to rely on myself anymore to make myself happy. The last time I remember being truly happy is when I was at Harlaxton. It was such an amazing time, and I can't seem to recapture the happiness I had when I was there. I felt it almost right away. I've tried to deny it, but I can't. I love my family and friends here, but I'm just not happy anymore. I don't know if this is just the now 4:16am brain talking, but I'm not happy. Maybe that's why I'm really going back in less than a month. Maybe I'm trying to recapture some part of myself that I can't find here. Maybe my heart is truly still in England because I know it's not here.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Growing Up is Hard to Do

I remember when I was a little girl that I wanted to be a "grown-up." This wish got stronger as I became a teenager and thought I knew everything. Now that I am kind of an unofficial adult, I see that it's silly to want to hurry up and grow up.

I got in a really bad car accident this past weekend. My car was completely totaled. Now, I not only have to think about a getting a new car, I have to think about car insurance. Not only that, but I have to think about how I'm going to pay for the car and the insurance. I have to get a job that will actually pay me money so that I can keep my car. These are only small things compared to some people. Some people my age have been paying for these things for much longer. It's all new for me though. I just have to persevere and it'll work out. Eventually.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

365 Days in 20 Ways

365 Days in 20 Ways. You may be wondering what exactly this is. I got the idea from Myles Dyer (blade376 on youtube). It's a list of goals that you want to complete within a year. I'm typing this up a little bit late, but I'm hoping to accomplish the following things by 2 July 2011. For a full explanation of what this "365 Days in 20 Ways" is, click on this link --> Blade376
1. Go to England
I have already spent a semester abroad in England, and I have always wanted to go back. My friend Jennifer (who I actually met when I studied abroad) is moving there to live with her boyfriend. I'm planning on staying a week with her. It should be fun. My ticket is already booked. I just have to go. This one should be accomplished within a two months.

2. Graduate from college.
I have been in college for four years now. I was hoping to be out already, but that didn't happen. I'm hoping that five will be my lucky number, and I will graduate in May 2011. Hopefully, this one will just make the July 2nd deadline at the latest.

3. Save $1,000.
As a person getting ready to take on more adult responsibilities, having a little bit of extra money would be helpful. As of right now, I don't know where I'm going so this is something I will probably need.

4. Go to a state that I've never been to (not New York).
You have already been able to guess this, but I LOVE to travel. I like going to new places and meeting new people. This is something I really want to do.

5. See Mary and Maytha again.
Mary and Maytha are my BEST friends in the whole world, and I haven't see them since I left Harlaxton. Getting to see them again would be the best thing EVER! We are already making plans to meet up sometime. This is in the works but not definite yet. :(

6. Go to New York.
Although I could have easily lumped this into number 4, I chose not. It seemed too easy to do that (even though I've never been) since I have always admired New York for what it stands for to me. Going to another state and going to my dream are two different things, and therefore, two separate goals.

7. Get hired as a teacher.
I have wanted to be a teacher since the fifth grade. If everything works out the way it should, I will graduate in May with my teaching certificate, and I will begin teaching somewhere in August. This will probably be the hardest, but that just makes it more worthwhile.

8. Post a video on YouTube.
I know this one sounds lame, but it's something I've been wanting to do. I've never done, and I admire many people who do. I want to do it for me, not anything else.

9. Make a new friend.
This past year, I have learned a lot about real friends. I learned that I have two real friends: Mary and Maytha. Getting another real friend would be awesome. If it happens, it happens. If not, at least I have Mary and Maytha.

10. BEDA (August or April)
You might remember that I attempted BEDA in April. Since it didn't work out quite the way I wanted, I'm going to try again.

11. Find a boyfriend.
I have always been in love with the idea of being in love. Now that I'm 22 and about to strike into the world, I want to be able to do that with someone I love.

12. Register/go to VidCon.
I was unable to go to VidCon this year, but I really wanted to go. If it's held next, I'm going to try my best to go.

13. Buy Doctor Who on DVD.
I don't know if I ever mentioned that Doctor Who is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE SHOW EVER, but it is :) Nothing would make me happier than if I actually owned.

14. Meet someone I admire.
There are many people in the world that I admire. To be able to meet one would be great. I was planning on being able to meet Kristina Horner (italktosnakes) and Luke Conard (lukeconard) on July 11th, but my accident stopped that. Hopefully, another time.

15. Treat myself to something expensive (like diamonds, Coach bag, etc).
After being a college student for so long, I feel like I should be able to treat myself to something nice. This is how I want to treat myself after working hard for so long.

16. Organize an event for people.
This one is really vague, I know. At the time, I couldn't think of another goal so I just wrote something down. This goal was the result. I just wanted to write something down. We'll see how this one goes down.

17. Volunteer at the animal shelter.
Before I wanted to be a teacher, I wanted to be a veterinarian. Animals have always been a big part of my life. I want to give back to the community, and I couldn't think of a better way for me to do this.

18. Learn to play guitar.
Music is a big part of my life too. I tried to learn how to play guitar last y ear, but it didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to. I' going to try again this year.

19. Work on English accent.
Being an Anglophile is something I am proud to call myself. My English accent needs to be improved upon. That's it. I just want a better accent. Simple.

20. Read and study the Bible.
This is a task I've tried to take on a million times. I'm hoping to be able to actually do it this time. I'm going to start with Psalms. Everything has been leading me there.

There are my goals. I will keep you updated throughout the year. If you are interested in doing the same, I would love for you to join me, Myles, and everyone else doing it. Just make a list and do it. Good luck!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Tests vs. Homework

I totally understand the point of tests and homework. I even get how they both help students to learn. What I want to know though is, which is worse? Would you rather do homework or take tests? Homework is supposed to be used as a test prep of sorts. It gauges how much you know and what you still need to learn. Which is what tests do too, only in a more formal way most of the time. Both are an easy way for teachers to see how much students have learned and what they need to go back and cover. As a current student and future teacher, I understand why both tests and homework are important. However, now my student side is being rebellious. No matter how much my teacher side is telling me that it's important to study to be well prepared for my teacher test tomorrow, my student side is telling me it's summer. That's supposed to mean no tests and as a result no studying. My student side wants me to do well, but it doesn't want to have to work for it. My student side is currently winning which is why I'm writing this. No matter how much I study, I will only know what I already know tomorrow when I take the test. I want to be prepared, but I really hate taking tests. At least with homework, you can get your parents to help. It's also pretty much done on your time so there's no need to rush. I think homework wins this battle, for me. What do you think?

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I Don't Know What to Do

Ok. I was thinking about Sean a lot yesterday. I even looked at his wedding pictures, blah blah blah, etc etc etc. Now, I get on facebook and he's invited me to go to his baby shower/diaper party/paint our baby's room! thing. I really just don't know what to do. Should I go? Should I not go? Should I say I have to work and that we'll have to hang out another time? My mind was blown from Doctor Who, but this has my mind in a knot. I'll probably ask Mary for advice. I don't see how Sean could even want me there considering I haven't talked to him since May, no April, maybe March? I really don't remember. I need to pray about it.

Jealousy

There are many times when I stop and look around, and I wonder. Yes, I wonder many times about what it is that I'm doing with my life. My friends all seem to be able to find love. I have found what I thought was love, only to let him slip through my fingers. I have friends who have graduated college. They're now getting married. I have friends with kids already. Yet, I'm here just hoping to graduate in May. My life is not what I expected it to be at this point in my life. I remember being at Harlaxton just a year and a half ago and new couples forming. Now, they're getting married. I sit around and see all the love that there is, and I'm jealous. I know it's wrong to be jealous, but I just want someone to love. Even the flightiest of my friends has a boyfriend. My friend who really should be waiting for the guy to make a grand gesture (not the grand gesture) is back with him. Some of the crappiest people I know have someone to love. I want someone to live for. A person that I can look at and know that he will always be there. I'm 22 years old. I would've thought that I would have found someone at least once that would hold me when I cried. Just one person, but I've never had that. Is it wrong? I don't want to be a crazy old lady who has no one. I want a family one day. I want a husband and some kids. I want to be the stay at home mom who has dinner on the table. As 1950s as that sounds, that is truly the deepest desire of my heart. I try not to show it because it just makes me wistful and want it even more. There are times when I wonder why I'm even here. If I can't even find one person who wants me for more than just sex, why am I here? Why do I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with? It doesn't seem fair that I should be the one who doesn't get any love when I want it more than anyone else I know. I know I should just be content with my lot. I know that God has a plan for me. I just wish I knew what it was so that I could at least prepare myself for being single for the rest of my life if that is His plan. I really, really hope it isn't, though. I really hope it isn't.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Pandorica Opens

I have officially watched "The Pandorica Opens" three times. This is the newest episode of the Doctor Who series. I still don't really know what to say about it other than that my mind was blown. I could hardly believe it when I saw the cliffhanger. I don't want to give away spoilers so I'm not going to say much. I just wanted to write a little something about it. Let me just say this, I am no closer to figuring out how they (Doctor, Amy, and River) are going to get out of this predicament than I was the first time I saw it. This week is going to be torture until I get to watch the new one. I can't wait for "The Big Bang."

*Don't forget that it airs on Saturday on BBC1.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Doctor Who

I have always loved Doctor Who. I haven't seen any of the Classic Who series, but I have seen every episode of Nu Who. I have watched Christopher Eccleston help to cure gas mask people back into real people. I have seen David Tennant save the Ood from what seems to be a devil-type creature. Now, I have just seen Matt Smith fight an invisible monster with Vincent Van Gogh.

In this week's episode of Doctor Who, Matt Smith and Karen Gillan (Amy Pond) go back in time after seeing a face of an evil monster in one of Van Gogh's paintings. The Doctor even says, "That's an evil face. I know evil when I see it." It was interesting to see the parallels between the Doctor and Van Gogh and also between the Doctor and the monster. The Doctor is blind it seems to many of the nuances of the world. He is starting to admit that he is too old which sad. The Doctor as fans know is little over 900 years old. He is forgetting what used to be important. Although it is interesting to see that he is starting to adapt to using practices that he did not use very often before. From what I have seen in the new series started by RTD, the Doctor tends to do more action than talking to the aliens. In this episode, though, the Doctor talked to the monster. He tried to help keep the animal calm so that it wouldn't hurt anyone. It almost seemed to work too. It's too bad that the Doctor always seemed to rely on his sonic screwdriver to help get him out of a mess. This week, though, it was not the sonic screwdriver that saves the day. It was Van Gogh.

Vincent and the Doctor is probably my favorite episode so far. There was so much emotion in it. Vincent seemed to be the smartest and bravest in this episode. He fought the monster and made sure that Amy and the Doctor were safe. The emotion was just obvious throughout the entire episode. You could feel the love between all three of the main characters. It was beautiful.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Poem Thursday 2

OK. I really don't know what to write.
If I'm perfectly honest,
I simply forgot.
Now I have 45 minutes to write an awesome poem.
Don't know if this'll happen.
Sor far it sounds like a rap in my head,
but isn't a rap
really poetry put to music?
I don't have much else to say
so I guess I'll say goodbye
to Poem Thursday 2.

I know it was really short
but I don't know what else to write.
I really just writing to write right now.
Try saying the last sentence
five times fast.
I'm really gonna go now.
It's time for bed.
I'll see you next time
probably around this time.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Growing Up

I have come to realize that I as I have gotten older, I have come to rely on my parents more. You would probably think that it would be the other way around, but not for me. I don't know when this started happening, but I know that it is. I usually feel that I am somewhat self-sufficient. I haven't asked my parents for spending money. I kept a pretty good control on my spending habits. I'm not sure of the exact amount, but I haven't spent too much. I have even learned to start eating what is in my room instead of what I have to spend money on. However, I had to ask my father today to help me pay for school. Why shouldn't he help me pay though? He is my father. He's the one that left all those years ago, leaving my mom to bring my sister and me up by herself. It just struck me as odd that he would have to pay for my school because I simply can't afford it. I never really thought about how expensive school really is. I never realized how hard it is to want to do something but not necessarily have the resources for it. I never realized just important it really is to have a budget. I don't know if this all means that I'm really becoming more dependent on my parents. Maybe it just means that I'm finally being able to rely on people to help me when I need it. I usually hate asking anybody, even my parents, for something when I feel I can do it on my own. I even applied for another job this summer so I can try to have a little more cash flow this summer. I don't know how that will work out. There's so many things going on. I might have to ask my father to help me get to England this time. I shouldn't have gone shopping. I would be ok if I hadn't gone shopping that day. I can't focus on that though. I just have to think about accomplishing what I want to get done. I want to accomplish my goal of getting to England. If that means that I have to ask my father for a little extra help, I will. We'll see how things go.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

1st Poem Thursday

Welcome to the first poem Thursday! Here we go:

A Poem for Shoes
I look all around me
and I see them everywhere.
High ones,
low ones,
polka dotted too.
Cute and flirty,
they help me get from place to place.
I love having so many pairs.
What're these things you may ask?
They are my favorite pairs of heels.

It's Thursday

Hey guys! It's Thursday. Do you know what that means? That's right! It's the first week of the weekly poem thing that I'm doing and have no name for. Oh well. As it is only about an hour and a half into the first day of this, I don't quite have a poem yet. I know I've had a week to work on something, but I've been really busy. Today is a lot slower though so I should have time to write something today. That's all I really wanted to say. It's time for bed. Good night.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Poem a Week?

I've been watching a lot of youtube lately. I've been watching new people and loving old people more every day. One of the new people I've been watching is Ryan Seiler (www.youtube.com/user/theryanseiler). He's been doing a song every day since about the middle of April. I think that's really cool. It's kind of like BEDA/VEDA, but with music. Anyway, I thought about doing a poem every day. Then I remembered how well BEDA worked out for me, and I started rethinking that idea. My new idea is a poem every week. I think I've generally been pretty consistent about writing in this at least once a week. Starting on the first Thursday in May and every Thursday after, I'm going to write a poem. It may not be a good poem. I'm not even going to promise more than a few lines. All I'm going to promise is a poem about something in my life. More than likely, it'll be a person. I know I got the idea from Ryan, but I've never felt more compelled to do something written before in my life. I'm going to try this out, but I'm not making any promises once again. One poem every week for the month of May, at least. The poem will be something brand new. It won't be something I've been working on the whole week. Ok. That's it for now. I'll be back next week with a poem for you :)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Poem for Mary

This is a poem that I wrote for my friend Mary. She really deserves it right now. Love you girl!

A Poem for Mary

Such a beautiful girl
and even better friend.
She only deserves the best.
That guy was worth it
at the time,
but he no longer is.
Just take some time
and a deep breath.
A much too beautiful girl
to be so sad.
Call all your friends
and know we're always here for you.
Feel better soon, love.
I miss the smile
that used to light up your face.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Write Write Write

It's been a few days, but I'm writing again. I think August will be a good month. I'm going to England, and my best friends Mary and Maytha are coming to visit me. I'm super excited!

I'm so tired right now. I don't have the energy to do anything. I'm ready to go back to my room and sleep. I don't really have anything to worry about. I have to...

I stopped in the middle of this post. I don't remember what I was going to say though.

Good night world.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Douche

So Sean just texted me and was like, "Tomorrow's my birthday. I want to go out tonight to celebrate. Leg me know if you can go." I texted him back saying, "I can't go. I'm on call tonight. If I had been given more notice, I might have been able to work something out, but now there's not enough time." That's basically the story of my life right. Not enough time, that is. I just think it's funny that he thinks we're still friends. I haven't talked to him or anything since that last party. I don't even really think about him anymore. It really surprised me when he texted me just now. All I could think was, "what do these people want from me now?" when my phone went off. I then texted Carrie and told her. Her initial reaction was ewww. I love Carrie. Ok. I'm in the middle of a big project that's due today so I better go. Bye!

Part Deux
He texted me back. His answer was "That sucks I'm sorry we've just been so busy with everything going on I haven't been able to plan anything this was more of just a quick plan as i can actually have some kinda little get together for my bday i wish u could come..." That last line is the one that makes me mad! I wish you could come? Really? After the last party? After you forgot my birthday? He has no right to say those kinds of things to me anymore! I have a very strong dislike for him right now. I wish he would never have texted me about his birthday. I was planning on ignoring it just like he did mine. It's not fair. I hadn't even thought about him for weeks until the moment he texted me. It's like I knew it was over, but he hasn't gotten that yet. How has he not gotten that yet?

I'm going to deserve my week long vacation in England.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Today is my sorority birthday...

If I was still in the sorority. I'm not though so this is really just another day.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Another Day of Writing

Earlier today I started a blog post all about how great my week has been. Trust me. It has been a great week. I've been offered opportunities, and I have received great marks for my hard work in certain areas. For some reason, though, I don't feel like writing about those things. They are things I definitely want documented and saved here for all of eternity, but I just don't feel like writing about them. I guess I'll have to save those things for another day.

Instead, I feel like just writing. In my linguistics class, we've been talking a lot about language in general lately. We were all divided into groups, and the group that presented last week talked a little bit about the importance of letting kids write. I think it's a very important topic. However instead of boring you about why it's so important to let kids write, I'm just going to write.

I started a poem earlier today that I have yet to finish. (Today seems to be the day of unfinished things for me.) Luckily, I only started it within the last four hours (but really probably more like the last two) so I can't really be ridiculed for having had lots of time on it. It's about keeping your options open. It's about how we should listen to our hearts and choose the option that's right for us, but that we also have lots to learn from the choices that we make. It makes me think of Chris. He's been an inspiration to me a lot lately. I don't know why I can't just let him go. I can't wait until I get to go to England this summer for a week. I hope to see him. I hope to be able to talk to him and maybe restart where we left off. I know it's a long shot. For all I know, he's already gone off and found another girl that he loves very very much. I can't help but hope that he hasn't. I can't help but hope that maybe he still thinks of me as much as I think of him. Well, maybe not as much as I think of him because he has a real job where he can't really afford to get distracted like I can. Chris fills up a great deal of my day.

Chris is sometimes the only person that pushes me to get through my classes and work. I work so that I can make money and go back to England and hopefully see him. I work so that I can save money and move to England if he still wants me. I work so that I have money to start a new life in England with Chris if that's what we decide we both want. I go to class so that I have something to offer. I go to class so that I can be knowledgeable. I go to class so that I'm not a stereotypical Army girlfriend/wife. Chris is in the British Army. I want to be with Chris no matter his occupation. I want to be the one that marries him and has his kids. I don't want that now. It's something I want in the future. Right now all I want is him. I want to be the on that brings a smile to his face just by seeing my name on his mobile when I call or text. I want to be the one that he thinks of before he goes to bed and right when he wakes up. I want to be his inspiration to go to work and be a better man.

I know it seems like I'm obsessed. I might be a little bit. I never felt like things were really over between Chris and me. I guess I just hope that wherever Chris is, he still thinks of me and loves me. I just want him to be happy, and I want to be the one that makes him happy. Maybe I can find out when I go back to Grantham to find out. I just have to know how our story really ends.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Crap

Aw crap. I just barely missed yesterday. I'm a whole 30 minutes late. It sucks. I should tell you about Saturday though.

On Saturday, I took my PPR qualifier. PPR stands for Pedagogy and Professional Responsibilities. There were so many questions that I guessed on. I'm surprised I got through most of it. I had to reread some questions like 5 or 6 times just to know what they were talking asking. It was so nerve wracking. I should be getting my unofficial results in about a week. I'm really nervous about it. As long as I get at least a 75% on it, I can take my PPR TExES test. The TExES is the actual Texas teacher certification test. The EC-4 test is offered for the last time in August. My whole future literally depends on this test. It sucks. I really really hope I passed it. I'm going to start studying for my content qualifier. I haven't done that yet. I don't know how I feel about it, but I hope I do well. I thought I would be ok when I walked into the PPR, but I walked out with an "what did I just do" feeling. It's one of the worst feeling in the world when your whole future depends on one test. Words of encouragement?

PS I think BEDA is officially over. I think I'm going to do BAMF with Kristina Horner. It stands for Blog in April More Frequently. What do you think?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

I Had a Dream Last Night

Lame. I really really thought that I posted yesterday. Apparently not. I do have something that I want to post for you today though. I'll talk about today tomorrow probably since it is a very IMPORTANT day. Anyway, it's a short story that kind of reads like a poem. It's called "I Had a Dream Last Night."

I had a dream last night. Well, maybe it wasn't a dream so much as my imagination running away with me. Who says imaginings have to be something completely different from dreams anyway? Anyway, back to my dream/imagining/whatever you want to call it.

I had a dream last night. Can you guess who was in it? Chris, of course! Who else haunts days and nights so frequently?

I had a dream last night. Chris was in it. Only this time instead of me leaving him, he brought us back together.

I had a dream last night. It ended completely different from any other dream I've had about Chris. I dreamed I was back in England. Chris saw me and tapped me on the shoulder. He said my name in a faint whisper. A whisper lighter than a feather's touch. "Megan," he said. "Is that really you?

I had a dream last night. Chris found me and couldn't believe his yes. "Yes, Chris," I said. "it's really me." I could hardly breathe.

I had a dream last night. Chris took my breath away. He took my breath away in five little words. "Do you still love me?"

I had a dream last night. I told Chris, "I never stopped." He took me in his arms and kissed me I could feel his love for me as though it ran through my own veins.

I had a dream last night. Chris told me he could never live without me He told me that he couldn't live without me in his life for one more day. He told me that he would always love me. I told him I would always need him.

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that Chris and Megan lived happily ever after...together. Sometimes drams really are better than reality.

That is all for today. Good night.

BEDA days missed: 5
BEDA days replaced: 3

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Last One Maybe

I just wanted to post one more thing up here. It's an e-mail I got earlier this week. I think you'll see the significance in a minute.

Megan,

CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve completed all requirements for admission into the Teacher Education Program.
Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you have any questions regarding your program. We wish you well as you continue in your education career.



Office of Student Support Services

College of Professional Education


That is all. It is dinner time now and then homework. Maybe I'll write more later :)

BEDA days missed: 4
BEDA days replaced: 3

Another One

Wow! I bet you guys didn't think that I would be halfway caught up on my BEDA posting did you? Well, neither did I, but I am really bored so write I shall do.

I"m trying to think of something that may actually interest someone if they were to read this. My life is actually really boring, but I enjoy it. I figure the more boring my life is, the less drama that can be involved. What do you think about that? I'm not a big fan of drama. I would really rather not get put in it if I can help it at all. Sometimes it happens though. Life happens. One of my friends Carrie and I have actually come up with a motto on how to live our lives. It's pretty simple. It doesn't take a lot to remember, and you have probably said it at least once in your life. it is this: What can you do? Not much.

Now I know it sounds very pessimistic, but it's actually quite hopeful in some ways as well. I like that fact that sometimes things are just out of your control. I don't know what another person's going to say or do. I can only control my response to them. Like earlier when I was telling you about my friend who kept texting and stressing me out. I may not have been completely honest with her. I just needed some time away from her. I controlled my response to her by not being honest. I mean, there's a lot I could be doing, but I am choosing not to do it at this time. I didn't know she would hound me for about 5-10 minutes before my class. I couldn't control that.

It's like when you're in class and your teacher gets mad because your cell phone goes off. What does he or she expect you to do? You didn't know that your cell phone would go off. You have no way of controlling who calls and/or texts you. You can help to lesson the situation by silencing it, but teachers can still hear that if the phone hits something in your bag.

Of course these situations can cause drama, but what can you do? Not much. It's almost like our motto gives you an excuse to place the blame on someone else which is something you should never do. You should always accept responsibility for your actions.

I know this has been kind of all over the place, but I just needed to write.

BEDA days missed: 4
*BEDA replacement posts: 2

*I've decided to change the last part of the BEDA counts because I can't really replace the day. I can only write a post that should have been written that day.

Why?

One things I have always wondered is why people think the world revolves around them. One of my friends missed a class that we share together yesterday because she's sick. She asked me to talk to the teacher, and I said I would. She kept texting me about it when she knew that I would be working on homework for that class. I tried doing homework and responding to her texts, but I had to work really hard on trying to do my homework. Then when I was in class today, she texted me again asking if I could talk to her later TODAY about what we did in the class yesterday. I told her no. If she needs to know about class that she needed to talk to the professor. Then she wrote back saying you don't even have 10 minutes to talk? I said no. Then she wrote saying she would have to figure it out on her own because the professor doesn't have office hours. I know she did it because she knows what a pushover I can be. I told her that I don't have time today, but I might be able to talk to her tomorrow. I know I probably do have time to talk to her about it later, but she shouldn't assume that I can be at her beck and call. I'm not her bitch to order around. One text is all it takes to answer a question. I know your defence is that she's sick. So what? I cried IN CLASS because I was so stressed out. I still made it there and did my homework. Did I happen to mention that I was also sick at the time? Not to mention that I hadn't eaten like at all yesterday either. Oh yeah, I also forgot to mention that I was running on maybe 4.5 hours of sleep. Whatever.

I know I write about myself in this, but this is supposed to be about me. Any advice on how to handle this with her?

BEDA days missed: 4
BEDA days caught up: 1

My First Grade Teacher

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I realized that there are a lot of people in the world that deserve my eternal gratitude. I thought about being cliche and talking about my parents. However, I decided to go another route. One of the people who is most deserving of my thanks is my first grade teacher. She is the one who really got me to learn how to read. My kindergarten teacher just let me struggle, and I struggled with reading the whole year. My first grade teacher, though, went about reading in a completely different way from my kindergarten teacher. My K teacher focused more on whole language, which is what a lot of teachers now focus on as well. My first grade teacher did more with phonics. (As a future elementary teacher, I have learned that you need to incorporate both.) As soon as she started phonics, I gained a better understanding on what I needed to do in order to read. I know it sounds like she was just her job, but without her doing her job the way it's supposed to be done, I wouldn't be where I am today. I would probably be another Hispanic stereotype. Luckily, I did have her and now I'm going to be an elementary school teacher. My only hope is that I can help another child the way that she helped me.

BEDA days missed: 4 (Oops. I didn't realize I was already missing so many days!)
BEDA days caught up: 0

Monday, April 5, 2010

I like to keep you guessing :)

Ok. I know. I know. There's only half an hour left until the end of today. I almost missed another day! We all know how sad that would've been. I would really be surprised if anyone else reads this.

Anyway, I might have to let out a little angst today because I really really really REALLY dislike my POPs teacher. I could really care less about her class, and I wish she would just disappear. All my other teachers, I like. For whatever reason, the bad Dr. Rodriguez just is not my cup of tea. (By the way, she's the bad Dr. Rodriguez because I have two professors this semester called Dr. Rodriguez. The good and bad help me keep track of who I'm talking about.) She keeps switching deadlines on us. She makes up assignments whenever she wants. There are honestly times when I feel like she doesn't know what she's doing. I've tried talking to her, but it's to no avail. She just accuses me of being unprofessional. I could not be more professional if I showed up in a dress and heels. It really really sucks. This is so not a good week for me. The only highlight is that my social studies teacher moved the date of a quiz so that we could focus on another assignment. I keep misspelling assignment too. I don't know why. Good thing firefox has spell check. It's just really annoying. Things will work out the way they are supposed to though. I honestly believe that. Bad Dr. Rodriguez still needs to learn how to be organized though. She does not know what she's doing.

Well, I still have lots to do. I'll write more when I get a chance. It's time for linguistics homework. Yay. (Sarcasm.)

I'm going to keep track of how many days I miss from now on. That way I know how many extra blogs I need to do before the end of the month. I'll also keep track of how many I've made up, if any.

BEDA Days Missed: 2
BEDA Days Made Up: 0

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Tiny Chickens Have Invaded

The tiny chickens have invaded my head. It really really sucks. I'm hoping they'll stop laying eggs soon. My head hurts, and I can't really breathe much so yeah. It really sucks. I feel all kinds of out of it just because the liquid eggs are coming out a lot. Probably more information that you really wanted to know, but oh well. I'm just being honest.

So I know that I said I was going to do BEDA this April. I also know that I've missed two days. Oops. I really have no excuse other than I've been really busy. I've had a lot of work and homework this first week of April. I'm going to try to make up for those two days by writing twice a day two days this month. I'm not really sure when, but you'll know.

I'm currently watching High School Musical 3, and I just want to say that Zac Efron is hot. I'm sorry. He is my celebrity crush, and he's singing a solo. Too bad it's about Vanessa Hudgens. I don't get why he likes her so much. Maybe if I knew her in person, I would understand the appeal, but I don't.

So what has been going on in my life lately? It has seemed to be going by in a blur. I can hardly believe that there's only like 6 weeks left in the semester. I sign up for fall classes on Friday. I take my practice PPR on Saturday. I guess I won't get to sleep in this weekend. I'll be lucky if I get to sleep in ever again, but that's a different post.

Ok. I'm going to go tend to the tiny chickens and watch HSM. Bye!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Beginning of BEDA

So today is April 1st which means the beginning of BEDA. I said on here a while ago that I wanted to try to do this to improve my writing. I don't know if it'll actually work, but I'm trying it. Any feedback would be appreciated. I don't know what will be written here. It could be a story or a poem or a just whatever is going on in my life.

Today was a great day for me. I talked to my advisor, and I am staying on the EC-4 plan. I just have to be sure to pass all of my practice tests. I'm very excited! I'm going to the bookstore this weekend to get a practice book. I just have to send in some slides to my group and then go to the mall. Tomorrow should be a fun day. Not a lot going on, but I wanted to make sure I at least wrote on the first day.

Bye guys!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Need You Now

"It's a quarter after one. I'm all alone, and I need you now. Said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control, and I need you now. And I don't know how I can do without. I just need you now."
-Lady Antebellum

So this morning as I was walking to my group project (see previous post), I started singing in the middle of the sidewalk. There was nobody around me, but how weird is that?

Every time I listen to that Lady Antebellum song, I think of Chris. It has been a very Chris-ified day it seems. How can he still have so much of an impact of my life? I honestly think he is the reason why I can't get close to this guy that I've been talking to. It's like I'm forever irreversibly linked to Chris, and nobody can do anything to change that. I've tried talking to other guys, but they just don't give off the same chemistry that Chris did. It's so weird. Why can't I just let him go? I need to let him go. There are other guys out there that might be more perfect for me than him, but he will always be in the back of my mind.

I've been trying to write a story about him for about a month now. Not necessarily him, but rather, my relationship with him while I was in England. I'm able to write about the night that we met. I can even add in some details of our relationship, but I can't write an ending. I've tried writing endings where he comes back to me. I've tried writing where we just fall apart, but that doesn't work either. It's like my life is on pause until I see him again and know for sure what our ending is. Until then, I don't think I will be able to end my story. I know what ending I want to have, but I don't know if it's realistic. I don't know how the story of me and Chris really ends so I can't write the ending of the written version of me and Chris. Maybe, maybe one day I will be able to write the ending because maybe one day there will be an official ending. Maybe it will be an official beginning. There are so many possibilities if I ever get to see him again.

OK. That's it for tonight. I'm tired, and I'm about to get off of work. Bye.

*Grammar Nazis, don't attack me. This is a very informal writing, and I know there are a lot of mistakes.*

5 Minute Writing

Ok. So I only have five minutes to write this because I have to go meet my group in order to work on a project for my linguistics class. GO!

I've been thinking about Chris a lot a lot. It's really weird. Even when I've really like guys, I've never thought about them this much. He crosses my mind all of the time. I can listen to a song, and I'll think of the first time we kissed. I will be drinking, and I'll think about when we held hands. I can do pretty much anything, and something about Chris will cross my mind. Now remember, I only knew Chris for a maximum of three weeks. I barely knew the guy. The only time we were together is when we were out drinking. Yet, it's like my mind won't accept that it's over. I haven't talked to him in over a year now. I haven't seen him since December 2008. It's been a long time. I told my friend Michelle about this, and she said that maybe he's my soul mate. Whenever people say stuff like that, I'm always reminded of an episode of FRIENDS where Phoebe tells Rachel that Ross is her lobster. (Go see it if you haven't. It's one of my favorites.) Maybe Chris is my lobster. This is why I have to go back. Yes, I would love to see everybody that I know there, but I have to find Chris. I have to see what could have happened. I knew I can't really afford to go now, but I have to do it. I'm going to save up all of my money this semester and try to go in August. I have a friend who will be moving there, and she said I could stay with her. I'm going to do it.

My five minutes are up. I'll probably write more later. BYE!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

I'm So Sorry

I've neglecting this thing horribly. I'm sorry. I just got back to school after Spring Break. My Spring Break was pretty boring. I didn't really do anything besides sit on the couch and watch t.v. That's almost exactly what I'm doing now. Only instead of sitting on the couch, I'm sitting at my desk. I'm watching t.v. and typing this at the same time. I suppose I really could've typed and watched t.v. at home too, but it didn't happen.
Last night I went to my friend Ashley's house. We pretty much just drank and talked. I live such an exciting life. The only bad thing is that I missed part of the Harry Potter weekend on ABC Family. Harry Potter is life. I'm still watching Harry Potter. It'll be over soon, and then life will end. J/K. I love Harry Potter, but it's not really my life anymore.
Let me think. Let me think. I didn't really do anything else.
My parents went to Houston, and I got left at home with the dogs. I miss my girls. You should've seen. There were some perfect picture moments with no one to take a picture of it. Both of my girls were on the couch with me in the middle. It was adorable. We were all under my princess blanket too. Just picture it. Me, a yorkie on my right, a yorkie-poo on my left, and we're all snuggled together underneath a bright pink princess blanket. I should've tried to recreate the moment and had my mom take a picture, but it just wouldn't have been the same. Instead, I got some cute pictures this morning before I left of me, Diva, and Snickers. I love my girls. This is really boring now so I think I'll go back to my Harry Potter marathon. Love you all!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Chris's Poem

So I just wrote a poem. It's about a guy that I met when I was in England who still won't get out of my head. I hope you like it.

Every week I think of you
I think of the times we had together
When I danced with you
and you held my hand.
Our first kiss is one I will never forget.
It’s been so long though
since we last talked
since we last kissed
since we were last together.

I wish you would get out of my head.
All the promises we made to each other
are gone and broken.
I never hear from you
and I tried calling,
but it never worked.

I wished on stars and birthday candles
that I might be able to find you once again.
It hasn’t happened as of yet.
Maybe if I keep thinking and wishing for you,
one day my birthday wish will come true.
Until it does,
I will sit here and live my life
until we can once again live our live
together.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Please Cheer Me Up?

I'm feeling really down right now. I know my last couple of posts have been really down too, but that's just the mood I've been in lately. I know why, and I should be honest. How else can I give an accurate portrayal of my life? A bunch of you may remember that my so called friend Sean got married. Well, I saw him on Saturday for the first time in a VERY long time. There was drinking and other things going on since it was a party. I'll admit, I had a few drinks, but nothing like I've had in the past. We played a drinking game called Fuck the Dealer and just pretty much hung out. I missed the last dances, luckily. At one point, I went outside and Sean was there. Ordinarily, this would mean nothing. It usually means that we're both outside smoking. Only recently, I've started to try quitting. Yay for me! So I'm outside because I always eventually feel a little claustrophobic when there's a lot of people. He and another girl start talking, and she says something about him being drunk. Me being tipsy apparently decides that this would be a good time to tell him that I need to talk to him LATER. I emphasis later because I think that's the part that most needs to be emphasized. Anyway, he says ok. Then he starts going off about how Amber is right. I shouldn't even be at the party. Uh, Amber never said anything to me about being at the party. The only thing she had said is was, "How do you know this guy?" (It was a going away party for a guy that they didn't even really know.) I didn't know it was a closed party so when Carrie told me about it, I asked if I could go with her. She said yeah. She would ask a couple of our mutual friends. They said it was cool if I went so I went to the party. I told him that I didn't know it was a closed party otherwise I wouldn't have been there. Then he said that if it had been an open party, he would've invited me. I started getting really upset I guess because I said next I didn't know it was a closed party. If I had known that, I wouldn't be there. I basically repeated myself. He just ok. Then went off about why he didn't invite me to the wedding.
I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT NOT BEING AT HIS WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I really cared about was that I be told about it. I didn't want to have to find out on facebook. That's what hurts the most. I understand about small weddings. I understand about weddings being family and close friends only. I really do. My sister is having one of those. I get why I wasn't one of the two people he could invite. I just wanted to be told. I could handle this situation so much better if I had only been told.
Anyway after Sean told me all the shit that he can spout out and I finally tire of hearing it, I just turn and walk away. I don't know if he was in mid-sentence or not. All I know is that I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to listen . I couldn't listen anymore. I was getting so upset that I just could not listen anymore. I walk away. Tears started pouring down my face. I try to compose myself, and I realize that I have to get away. With tears still streaming down my face, I have to walk through a crowd of people to get away. I walk away towards the side of the house. I sit down on this little wall that's there, and I see people walking towards me. My heart silently hopes that maybe one of them is Sean. Of course it's not. It's my friends Mary Lee and Carrie. They've come to make sure I'm ok. I tell them that I'm done. I'm through with being concerned with him. I eventually start to draw a little crowd of supporters for me. The people there don't even try to defend Sean. Mary Lee's fiance even tells me that he hates Sean. A couple of guys are even int he crowd and tell me that all guys are douches. Slowly, I'm starting to believe this more and more. I just can't deal with it anymore. I really can't. I need to get out. I need to find a way out of this labyrinth.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I Miss Harlaxton.

My friend Mary and I are actually talking right now about when we were at Harlaxton... a year ago. I can hardly believe that it was so long ago. There are times when I feel like it just happened, but I'll think back over the year and realize it was a year ago. Eventually, it'll be come five and then ten and then fifty years ago. We didn't study nearly as much as we should've. We drank way more than is healthy for anybody, but still. We have no regrets. We look back at this four month period of times in our lives, and we're happy with what we have accomplished. We could have done better in our classes, but we chose to focus on the making of memories. We chose to cherish our time and each other over the classes. We have been very fortunate in the fact that we found each and got to see a very beautiful land that many people only ever get to dream of visiting. I got to see Wicked in London. I rode on and got lost on the Underground. I jumped on a train weekend and went to Scotland. I met and fell in love with a boy. I had an amazing experience. I wouldn't trade those four months in my life for anything. I met people who are very important to me and have changed my life for the better. Who can say that and honestly mean it? I met the best people I could ever have hoped to meet in a beautiful foreign land and learned something new about the world and myself at the same time. I am a very lucky girl.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

BEDA

I've come to a decision recently. It may be rather boring in years to come for me to read again, but for now, it could be fun. I recently found out about something called Blog Every Day in April, or BEDA. I had about a similar project done by Alex Day last year that was Vlog Every Day in April, or VEDA. I thought it was cool when he did it, but I didn't really look into what it actually was or how it go started. That is, until this past weekend when I was looking at some old Charlie McDonnell tweets (because my life is just so interesting). He did it last year too but through blogging. I think I want to give it a try this year. It may not come to anything. I may not even have time to write every day, but I will try. I want to improve my writing skills, and I think that this could help. You might be thinking, "Why BEDA? Why not NaNoWriMo?" The honest truth to that questions is that I'm not any good at writing long stories. I can write short stories with only a few problems, but trying to extend a plot for a lot of pages just doesn't work for me. I admire those who can do it and actually have something decent, but I just can't do it. Believe me, I have tried. I blame it on my short attention span :)

I said in a post last month that I wanted to try vlogging. I may still try doing that, but we shall see people. We shall see. If I were to do it, it would be start vlogging. I'm not very good at acting, and I'm not good at trying to be intentionally funny. It is very likely that I would bore everybody to death, but I can try. I'll try to make a video this weekend, and I'll post a link here in case anybody does actually read this. It's very likely that they don't.

OMG! I wish they would stop shooting now. I know you're just trying to scare away birds, but you're hurting my ears. Please stop. TWU, I just want to let you know that you suck. I may sue due to loss of hearing because you shoot off guns to scare away POOR INNOCENT DEFENSELESS birds. What are they doing that's so horrible? They are just trying to be at home in the place they have chosen. It's not like you let us use the balconies anyway. Someone might as well.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Sean's Poem

This a poem that I'm in the process of writing. It talks about the relationship that my ex-friend Sean and I used to have. It's still unfinished, but I'm working on it.

You tell me not to leave again,
You missed me so much
it's hard to believe
We haven't talked in months.

We used to stay up all night
talking on the phone
It's hard to say
But it's the truth

You're not there anymore
What happened to the guy
that I used to love
He's left me alone.

I can still remember
the day that we met
back in the lunch line
It wasn't high school.

Now it's years later
and I can't let go
of the only guy
I could depend on.

So yeah. I haven't talked to Sean since January, and it's over. How good of friends could we have ever been if we haven't talked in that long? I'm tired of being the one to make things work. If he wants me back in his life, he can call me.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

My Birthday

So you might be thinking, "Megan, you're birthday was over a week ago and I still haven't heard anything about it! I want to know something NOW!!!" Ok. So you might not be thinking that exact sentence, but I'm going to tell you anyway.

My birthday was pretty uneventful. I couldn't go out the actual night of my birthday because it was a Monday, and I have an 8am class on Tuesdays. I was not going to go out when I knew I had a class where I actually have to pay attention. Instead, I decided that I was going to go out on the Thursday after my birthday. I didn't really have anything to do on Friday until 2pm so I was set. Then it snowed...over 6 inches...in TEXAS!!! How awesome is that? Since it snowed, I decided I wasn't going to go driving or make anybody else drive in the snow at night. Those could be dangerous times, my friend. Basically, I've done nothing for my birthday.

Although, my mom did come up the Saturday before my birthday. It was a nice day. We hung out in my room for a little bit and then proceeded to get lost while going to one of my favorite Italian restaurants. It was pretty jokes (haha...new nerdfighter word that I just recently learned. It means cool in case you were wondering.) We also saw Dear John before dinner. It was an ok movie. My mom and I decided that we were too close to the military for it to really be the emotional movie that I've heard it is for other people. We just decided that it was kind of lame. It happens to a lot of people in the military so why should their story be so significant? Whatever. It was ok. If you like movies like that, you should go see it.

So yeah. That was my birthday. I might try to do something this week to celebrate, but it looks doubtful. I have a bunch of stuff to do before the week is over. Right now, I should be writing a paper, but I don't want to. That seems to be a recurring theme. I blog instead of writing a paper that's due either the next day or the day prior to which I'm writing. Um...yeah. I totally didn't say that! :) OK. I'm going to go at least start on the paper.

DFTBA

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

To Mister Navy Boy

My Dearest Navy Boy,
I remember back when you and I first became friends. I thought you were super cute, and I always loved going to your line to get food. No, you weren't in the Navy yet. You were just another worker at my school that I actually talked to. You talked to me back. After a while, we got to know each other better and actually became friends. I felt that we could be close friends if you wanted to. I'm writing this letter, not to reminisce, but to clear the air between us. I know you'll probably never read this, but I ave to get it out in the open sometime. I trust this blogger thing because it's one place that maybe someone will notice me. I highly doubt it, but you never know. IT seems so long ago that you and I were merely strangers, not caring about each other. Then something happened and we struck up a friendship. It was the week after my 20th birthday. I struck up the nerve to talk to you and we talked. We talked mostly through texts. I would text you when I was bored in class, and you always responded. I sometimes wondered why you would respond so fast. You never disappointed me. I thought you were really cute too. I developed a crush on you that I would deny to this very day if I was asked about it. I have never really ever been true to myself about how I feel about you. Maybe that's one reason why it hurt so much when I found out you got married. You got married and didn't even tell me. I thought we were better friends then that. Now, it seems as if all of our mutual friends are on your side. We didn't have a fight. We didn't even have anything going on between us, just friends. Why then didn't you even tell me? Did you think I would make some big scene about how you and your (now) wife shouldn't be together? That would never have happened. I respect you too much to have ruined what should have been one of the happiest days of your life. It's something we should've been able to celebrate together. I don't know what's going on with you nowadays. It seems so odd that just a year ago for my birthday, you took me out to celebrate being 21. No matter how hard I tried to pay for stuff, you told me no. You wanted to treat me. Now, I didn't even get a happy birthday from you. Why? I don't know if I want to know what's going on with you. Maybe I should just leave you alone. Just know if you decide you don't want to be my friend anymore, I can't have you come back into my life again. I won't hurt myself again like you hurt me. Just know, I will always love you.

Love always,
Megan

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Almost My Birthday!!!

IT'S ALMOST MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

I can't believe that another year has passed in my life. I still feel like I just turned 21. So much has happened in the past year. I've learned so much too. I learned that I'm not meant to fit into certain groups, and I've learned that that's ok. I have people who love me for me and not because I pay for them to love me. I've learned that my true family is always there for me. I've made some incredible friends, and I plan on keeping them in my life for a long time. I've lost some friends that I thought would always be there for me, but aren't in my life anymore. I've discovered that I'm the only one that define who I will be for the rest of my life. My true family will always be there, yes, but in the end, the only one who is there for me is me. I've learned that as long as I love myself, that's all that really matters because I will find someone in the world who will love me for me. Right now, it's not a true love, the person I will be with for the rest of my life, but there are people who hopefully will provide me with an everlasting unconditional love. As long as those people are always there for me, I can be happy. I've found out who my true friends are too. I've learned that sometimes I have to make mistakes and put myself out there in order to grow and to learn. I may not be the person who wants to go out and party and meet tons of boys, and that's going to have to be ok with other people. I've found what I needed at the time, and it's not what I need anymore. I've discovered so much about myself in the past year. This may sound like I'm writing about all the bad things, but there were so many more good times. Hopefully, they will continue into the new year in my life. I hope that there will be many many more good times in the coming year. I love those that I have chosen to stay in my life. I couldn't be happier with the way that many things have turned out. I have had a good 21st year, and I can only hope that the 22nd will be even better. I love my life and the people in it!!!

I'll write about my mom's visit another time. Right now is a time for reflection.

Hours until my birthday: 1

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Ok. So I wrote this last night at like 1am so it may sound a little incoherent or redundant so I don't care. I'm going to post something again later today.

My mommy is coming today!!! YAY! I love it when my mom comes to visit me. I honestly think I have THE best mom in the whole ENTIRE world. She is honestly my best friend, and she has always been there for me. Yes, there are times when we don’t necessarily get along, but I know she’s always there for me whether I really want her there or not. She offers me advice, and she is the most supportive person I’ve ever known. I’ve had other friends in the past, but they’re in the past. My mom is my past, my present, and my future. Whenever I need anything, I can always count on her to be there for me. I’ve had a had past year, and she continues to be at my side and offer her support. She never leaves me to fend for myself unless she knows it’s for the best. There have been times when I have needed her, and she only offers me advice. She has always let me try to find stuff out for myself. I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life, and she’s let me learn from them. I’ll present her with a situation that I want, and she only gives me advice.
I remember when I was wanting to go to England, and she said that she didn’t think it was a good time for me to go. I did it anyway. She said that she’s glad I didn’t let her stop me from going. She thinks that it was one of the best opportunities that I have ever had. It was nice to hear her say that she was wrong. She may not have used those exact words, but I got her message loud and clear. Even moms can be wrong sometimes.
There have been other times in my life, though, when I wish I had listened to her. This whole situation with the sorority could’ve been prevented if I had just listened to her advice. Looking back, there are a lot of times when I should’ve listened to her. I could have saved myself a lot of heartbreak, time, and money. It’s too late now. I’ve learned a lot about myself from those experiences. Even when I was learning the hardest lessons, I knew my mom was there.
Not many people can say this and mean it, but I really, truly love my mom. Some people think that I only love my mom because she’s my mom, and I pretty much have to love her. Although this is true to an extent, I not only love my mom, but I LIKE her too. Not many people can really say that.

I’M SO EXCITED MY MOM IS COMING TO VISIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Days until my birthday: 2

Friday, February 5, 2010

Writing Papers

I've often wondered why it was so hard to just sit down and write a paper. I mean, COME ON! Why can't I just make myself focus on one task. It seems like the only way I can make myself do something sometimes is to set a deadline and make myself do it. Otherwise, it won't get done. Like this paper I have to write. I already got an extension for it because my teacher didn't make it available until the day before it was due and said she would make an exception for some people. I wrote her and explained that I'm a busy girl and didn't have time to write it. I asked her if I could have it into her by Saturday. She said that was fine. I went online today to check out the prompt again, having forgotten it sent looking at it on Tuesday. I texted one of the girls in my class asking what it is. Do you want to know what the prompt is? WHAT IS LINGUISTICS. How much broader of a topic could that be? Then I learned that I have to have three sources. That better include the book or I'm fucking SCREWED!!!!!!!!!!!! I really don't like the class anyway. Language isn't something that really interests me. I love English because I love reading and writing. I don't care about the actual make up of the English language. If I wanted to study languages, I would've chosen a language based major. As it is, I choose to be a teacher. I understand that teaching language is an important part of being a teacher since I'll have to teach kiddies about the different parts of speech and stuff like that, but I'm GOOD at that stuff. I don't understand why I have to learn about African American Vernacular English. What the bloody hell is that anyway? I know it's Ebonics, but why I do I have to learn about it? I understand we all have different standards of English, but I don't get why I have to learn about ALL of them. I'm not a language student, and I don't care to learn about different languages. Just teach me how to teach children about it, and I'll be happy. Ok. I guess I should go research and write my paper now. Good night.

Days until my birthday: 3!!!!!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Sororities...What Fun!

As some of you may know, I am in the process of getting out of my sorority. Out of protection/loyalty/stupidness, I'm not going to say the name of the sorority or of any of the girls.

I've been trying to get out o the sorority since October. I recently found out that I'm still in it because international headquarters has not yet received my paperwork. How ridiculous is that!?! I did my bit way back in October, and I'm still here. Now, they're trying to say that I owe over $400. I'm like woah! Even with the four months I've been trying to get out, it wouldn't be that much. The dues are only $85 a month. I know that's still a lot, but it's not as bad as some other sorority. Now I have to meet with the president and finance person to discuss what is going on. I'll pay what I can, but it'll have to be done in installments. I don't get paid very much or work many hours. Did I mention that I only get paid once a month? Yeah. This coming month will have the most hours I've ever worked. I should make about $400, but I'm not going to use my whole paycheck to pay for something that I haven't wanted to be in since October. Now, I have to meet with both of these people on Sunday at 8am. It's not very inconvenient for me because I have to be awake at that time anyway in order to go to church and Sunday school. They can't meet with me after church because they have EC at noon, and I usually don't get out of Sunday school until about 1pm. Oh well. Way more inconvenient for them than for me. I would meet with them tomorrow, but someone I guess can't meet during the times I'm available. Despite the fact that I'm no longer active in the sorority, I am still a pretty busy girl. Oh well. At least, I know they'll have to be up way earlier than they want to be. I think I'm going to go do some homework now. Sorry this is boring.

Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't be a vlogger. I mean, my own blog doesn't even interest me.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

A New Lesson in Life

So yesterday, I learned something new. If you only get three hours of sleep, you are likely to be asleep at a ridiculously early hour like 8pm. I found these out when I woke up and actually looked at the clock. It was only 9pm. I felt like such a loser. Who goes to bed at 8pm? Apparently, I do, but for good reason. I had stayed up until about 3:30am the night before doing homework. I had a bunch due yesterday, and I actually had to do it because I had class that day. I know. I know. Don't you always have class, Megan? Yes, yes I do. BUT my 8am class was cancelled last week so I decided not to do it then and to do it sometime during the week so I wouldn't be waiting until the last minute to do both. Of course that planned failed as I did it the night before anyway. Of course, it didn't help that there were other things that I would rather have been doing anyway, like writing here, reading Kristina's blog, and watching youtube. I have a secret confession: I'm quite addicted to youtube, but that's another blog.

So right now, I have Harry Potter 4 on. I just wanted to watch it for the brief glimpses of David Tennant. I know he's only in there for a whole 5 minutes, if that, but I love him. He's just an amazing actor! I LOVE LOVE LOVE him in Doctor Who, another little addiction of mine :) I'm sure I have more I could tell you about, but you'll have to find those out as we go along.
So... sleep=goodness actually doing homework on time=good David Tennant=AMAZING Harry Potter=fantastic

The lesson to learn from all this though is to do your homework and get some sleep.

Time to take a shower so I'll talk to you later!

Megan

Days until my birthday: 5

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

A Path of Self-Discovery

I'm sitting writing out my intention form for next year as an RA. I will not be back in the fall, but I am hoping to be hired for the summer. I'm not really sure if I have to fill out the back part, but I am just in case. Better to write it out and need to do it then to not fill out and need to do it. Anyway, I learned that I have apparently been on a path of self-discovery and didn't even know it. I don't know if it's true, but I have learned a lot about myself. I'm not going to go into too much detail here, but I just thought I would share that. It's kind of depressing to be perfectly honest. I've been through a lot in the past year, but it won't matter soon. Who would have though? Hmmm.... Some food for thought.

Megan

P.S. Sorry this wasn't more interesting. Maybe something will happen next time I write. Think good thoughts :)

Days until my birthday: 6

Monday, February 1, 2010

I Don't Know What to Write

I know it sounds weird to come onto a blog site and not know what to write, but I think that's ok. Sometimes I just need somewhere to sit down and write whatever random thoughts come to my head. I've just been feeling a little uninspired lately. I've been watching A LOT of youtube lately, and it's made me realize that maybe I am insignificant in the wide spectrum of things. I mean, I don't talk to anybody on there, and yet I have friends on there. Even the friends I have IRL, I don't talk to. Yet the people I (don't) know on the interwebz and I are friends on there if only because we have something in common. That thing in common is that we're on youtube, and we happen to have subscriptions to the same people or maybe they're telling me that I need to make a video because they want to get to know me. Who knows? All I know is that I've gotten a couple of random people asking to be my friend on a website that I don't even really participate on. I like watching people like CharlieIsSoCoolLike (Charlie McDonnell), Nerimon (Alex Day), italktosnakes (Kristina Horner), and hexachordal (Tom Milsom). I've never actually talked to any of them, but it brightens my day when they post a video. Like today, both Alex and Kristina posted videos. I stopped everything just so that I could listen to what they had to say. I know. I'm a loser, but if they could be famous on youtube, why couldn't I? Maybe I don't have to have hundreds of thousands of subscribers like Charlie or post videos of songs that I've written like Alex, or have a comp channel like Kristina, but I can still make myself happy by just telling people about the things that are going on in my life. Maybe one day I could have lots of subscribers, but I'll never know until I try. My mom told me that she got me an actual VIDEO CAMERA for my birthday next week (I know it kind of ruins the fun of opening it up, but whatever). Now that I'll have a proper camera, maybe I can take videos of myself. I only have my crappy $15 webcam right now, and the resolution on that thing is terrible! I'll still use it for my dailybooth, but maybe I'll turn into a proper vlogger now. I'm going to try to keep this thing more updated too though. Ok. I know this has been really boring so I think I'll end it now. I'll try to be more interesting in the next one. I PROMISE!!! I hope your day was awesome!

Megan

Days until my birthday: 7

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!!!!!!

So this past week was the first week of classes for my first senior year of college. It was pretty typical. I woke up with enough time to get ready and was actually kind of excited because it's the first week of my first senior year. Who wouldn't be excited to say that they are almost done with school? Everything was going well. I worked so hopefully I'll get some money soon. I had already talked to financial aid and had gotten that worked out so that my classes can actually get paid for this semester. I knew this semester would be busy what with me taking 17 hours of classwork, working 18 hours at the front desk, and just trying to be me. So many things happened that I hadn't foreseen.
Let's start with number 1:
1) My friend Sean got married. Ordinarily, this would be something to celebrate. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for him if he married the girl for the right reasons. I don't think he did though. I think that he married the girl because she was pregnant with his baby. Not only do I not think that they got married for the reasons, but he didn't tell me. I probably would've handled this whole situation better if he had at least told me that he was getting married. The way I found out was total rubbish. I was on Facebook and suddenly there was an announcement on the news feed saying, "Sean was tagged in an album." The name of the album being Sean and Amber's Wedding. I could hardly believe my eyes! I had just talked to him a few days before on the phone, and he hadn't said anything about being engaged or that their wedding was coming up. It was kinda hard to accept, especially with me being at work. Luckily, I have amazing real friends that saying me so upset and so offered to build a fire (in a grill on campus). We smores, and I felt a little better after that. It still kinda hurts even now because he still hasn't told me. I haven't said anything to him either though. I honestly don't know what I would say to him. I mean, what do you say to someone who obviously doesn't want you to know something? I can't just go up to him and be like, "So I heard you got married. Why didn't you tell me?" How lame would that be?
2) The other thing that really upset me this week has to do with a sorority that I am currently in the process of dropping. I don't want to be there anymore for many reasons, and I really don't want to get into that right now because that's been a sore spot for MANY months now. Tonight there was a banquet celebrating the end of the colonization process for a fraternity on campus. Ever since they first started colonizing, I have been a big supporter of everything that they have done. I've even helped them out at some of the fundraisers. I had talked to one of the guys, and he told me that I had to be there so I planned to be there. Well at some point, one of my "sisters" had talked to the president of the fraternity, and he had told her that I was going. The conversation started innocently enough with her basically telling me that I was not supposed to go at all. We got into an argument over texting, and I just decided that I wasn't going to go. It really wasn't worth it if there was going to be any drama. I try to stay out of drama, but apparently, drama really like me. It's just crap because I had been looking forward to going since last semester when they first told me about it. Whatever. I'm at work now so I can't go anyway. Let them be Greek and happy. I'll be a GDI for all I care. At this point, I don't care for the Greek system. Blah.

These two things are really the only things to get me upset. I'm ready for bed, but unfortunately I'm at work until midnight. It's only 20 till 9pm. I never said my thoughts or feeling were rational. I'm just glad for a place to write all this. What are your thoughts on this?

Days until my birthday: 15